Catholic Schools Work

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers.
  In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
 

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him  in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello.   Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

 To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother
tried to understand what made all the difference.

 Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

 She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
 Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school  when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

The Moral of Auntie Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'

'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'

'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'

'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'

'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

When U Black, U Black

When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK , 
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK . 
             

NOW, You 'white' folks...

When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN 
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE , 
And when you die, you look GRAY. 

 

So who y'all be callin' COLORED Folks?

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX  
 (because they are plugged into a genius)
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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?   
(they don't have enough time) 
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? 
(they don't stop to ask directions) 
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? 
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? 
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) 
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? 
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 
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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? 
(don't know......it never happened) 
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8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? 
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) 
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'   'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'   He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'   And they say blonde's are dumb...   
---------------------------------------------   
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....' 
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
  
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?   
A: A rumor 
 ------- --------------------------------------- 
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat this SOB to death.  AMEN 
 ---------------------------------------------- 
Q: Why do little boys whine? 
A: They are practicing to be men.
  ----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?   
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. 
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?   
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'

New Vegas Mex

So I finally went on my vacation that I was planning for a long while. I definitely needed it. I also got to spend time with people I care about.

First stop.... Las Vegas. Originally planned because my dad was to have eye surgery done. So I planned on having to shuttle him around. However, my friend from New Mexico came too. This was the 1st time I had a "male" friend stay with my dad and myself. My dad took to him really well. He liked him a lot. I did too of course. My dad finally let me use the car. This was after months of coercision. I took my friend to the strip for 3 days. He got his fill of what the strip was about. He was amused by the porn cards being distributed as you walked down the strip. It was good times.

Next stop..... Socorro. Originally planned to spend time with my best friend from college. However, since I didn't get a response I just spent my time with him and his family. They let me stay with them. I loved his parents. They were very inviting and sweet. His mom greeted me with a hug when I first met her at the airport. They are both adorable. They are bird people which is pretty amazing. I was given a personal tour of Socorro. I was hoping I would see my college friend in my travels but no such luck. It did have me worried though. I like Socorro. I can see myself living there.

Last stop.... Albuquerque. My last leg of my vacation. My friend came with me here too. We stayed at a local hotel. He also gave me a personal tour. He had taken me to couple of really nice restaurants. One was a Japanese Hibachi Steakhouse. The other was this romantic restaurant ontop of the Sardia mountains. We had to take a tram to get there. We were supposed to go his friend's party too but he remembered I was allergic to cats. So we didn't go. Wanted him to tho since this would be the last time seeing his friends before moving to New York. Instead he stayed with me to spoil me rotten. Good times.

It was time for my vacation to end. I was not very happy about it. It felt very weird leaving. I felt as much at home in NV and NM. I even shed some tears going thru security. I didn't want to go home. Wonder what would've happened if I stayed.

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Nightmare on Long Beach

So I went to the beach Saturday. It would have been a great time except for 2 things in sequence. I was planning on having a relaxing time. Just wanted to lay out and tan and get into some water to cool off. So it was me, my brother and my friend Shauna. Shauna wanted to drive and she came and picked us up.

There was the the 1st exception sitting in the vehicle. She brought her soon to be step daughter with her. I was not very happy because I really didn't want to deal with any kids. I just wanted to relax. When we get to beach and set up our spot, as I am going to lay down, the little girl starts throwing sand. See that's why I didn't want any kids with me. Especially bad ones. She wouldn't listen and was a bit hyper. So much for relaxing at the beach.

After a while Shauna was able to keep her somewhat contained. So I took the opportunity to try to chill. I layed down with my towel over my face. I wasn't trying to get a tan on my face. It is he darkest part on my body lol since it's usually the most directly open to the sun. Why did this little girl go and snatch the towel off of my face? I so wanted to spank her. So I decided to go and try out the water. The water was cold but managable. I went back to my mat. Shauna and the child was not there. So I layed down for a while comfortably.

Later when they showed up I was in a much better mood now that I was able to chill. My brother was knocked out all this time. He's good. I wish I had his resolve. He came layed down and that was it. So I started to pal around with the kid and Shauna. We went to get water for her sand castle. Then she wanted to play in the water so we walked to area we were allowed to go into. The girl screeched, stripped Shauna and started to cry. Once I got out of the water she was better. So we started to walk back to our mat. This is when exception #2 happened. Shauna and I looked away one second and the child was gone!!!! We went back to mat hoping she was there. I woke my broher to stay alert if she came back to the mat. Shauna and I went opposite directions to look for her and notifying lifeguards.

This is by far the most scariest situation I've been in. I looked at everyone like they were a predator. Everyone's a predator when a child is missing. I was looking in people's tents and was tempted to open people's coolers that looked big enough to hold the girl. Shauna and I met up as we searched and we combed the beach. We switched directions. All the while, I'm scared and developing a stress tummy. After a good while searching a life guard caught me and said they found her. She was 2 beaches over. Shauna went and got her.

Thank goodness. Once she came back, Shauna said the little girl didn't know she was lost. She was looking for her Chinese friend she was playing with earlier. The family had left home earlier. I swear, I never went thru so much in 30 mins. It felt like it was forever!!! I'm so glad she was safe. We all didn't feel like staying at the beach after that. So we left to go home.

So much for a relaxing Sunday at the beach.

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. 

Children For Thought

The other day, after a discussion about my friend's children and their mother, my friend asks me what would I want if I had a child. I've been asked this question numerous times before. But the question first
should be, do I want any?

I have been pregnant before, but I don't have a child. I have thought if I wanted child every now and then. Depending on my situation at that point of time, my answers varied. To everyone else, I've always
gave the excuse, "I want to see what my cousins dish out before I have any." I said that because twins run in my family and I didn't want to have twins.

So back to my friend's question. What do I want for a child? I've always wanted a boy. I do not have a name lined out. However, my family creates a lot of girls, so I'm pretty sure I would have a girl. So I've 2 names already for a girl. The first name I picked out, my cousin stole. And my second name I picked out, my same cousin stole for her second child. I am keeping my second name anyhow because it means something special to me.

My friend thinks I should have a little girl. I wouldn't know what to do with a little girl. I am not girly. I hate doing my hair and other frivolous stuff like getting nails done, etc. The girliest vices I claim to have are pocketbooks and panties. I absolutely hate dressing up. I will complain for the whole time getting dressed, lol. I'm most comfortable in jeans and a top. How will I be able to teach a little girl all about the girly stuff I don't know? He said I shouldn't worry about that because I'd learn while I try to teach a daughter.

Now, having a little boy wouldn't be too much trouble. Hair, no problem; send to the barber. Clothes, no problem; pants and a top. However, little boys talk a lot more than little girls in my experience. That I am used to. My nephew was a talker. He's not so much now that he's a full fledged teenager!!!

Seriously, I would be happy with whatever gender I am blessed with. They will get my full unconditional love and that comes with discipline, lol. I don't believe the child is your best friend crap. Your child is your child. They must have boundaries and discipline in order for them to become productive adults.

I know I'll get the children question as time goes by. I'll just refer them to this post, lol.

Friendships

It's amazing how you meet people and form bonds. Sometimes it's just for a situation and it ends once the situation is over. Sometimes it lasts.

I play this game called Final Fantasy XI. It's a game you get to play with people all over the world. I love the game. I even keep a blog just for it. However, you meet people on there. There've people who've met on there and got married in real life. Some find it taboo to even
talk to people from the game outside the game. But people are people. Whether you talk to them thru the game, on instant messenger, on the telephone or in person.

I am a social woman, if I really got along with you in the game, I'll talk to you outside of the game. I have went to the movie with one person I met from the game. Talk to a few on instant messenger and one person on the phone. I like to get to know people. I just don't like the game playing of dating. But that's a different story for a different post.

Why this post? Well I want to express finding gems from the least likely places. I started building a friendship with a guy I met on FFXI. We started off on Instant messenger and now we communicate by messenger or telephone. Occassionally we've mailed stuff to each other
too. I speak to him every day. When I started talking to him, he was married. I knew that from the game. I was not trying to break up a marriage or anything. He is a genuinely nice guy to me. So why should I not be friends with him. Just because he's married doesn't make him
off limits to friendships. I know he was going thru a rough spot with his relationship, but the most part we didn't discuss it unless it was weighing on his mind and wanted to discuss it. I may at times bring it up because I sense something in his speech that something was bothering him.

We've been communicating for nearly 5 months, everyday. So I kind of gotten a feel for how he thinks. He has some strange hobbies but they are not dangerous. We have to expect a bit o strange in everyone. I know I'm strange and hard to figure out to some people. But a lot of
people don't have the patience to figure me out. Yeah I just strayedagain, sorry, back to what I was saying.

It's weird how much I enjoy having conversations with this guy. I feel quite myself and don't feel like I have to live up to any expectations. I don't feel like I have to be on my guard. Mind you, 5
months ago, I just played with him on a game. We talked and had fun on the game. I tend to go on lots of hiatus from the game because of my life patterns. He was in my linkshell one day I came back from a hiatus. And he just seemed like so much fun when in the linkshell. He
was down for whatever!!!!

I found out how much of a genuine person he truly he is this week. He knew that I was having he worst week. I came home on Thursday to find a package from him. I opened it to find a tiger statue.

He knows I love tigers. He said he knew I was having a rough week and he wanted
to make me feel a bit better. I was so happy that I was in near tears. He seriously thought about me and chose something I would like, purchased it with his own money and mailed it to me. I never asked him to. He just wanted to make me feel better. That was unbelievably nice
of him. He has no intention of trying to date me. He was being nice. I want to say his momma and poppa raised him right. They raised a good guy who has some very different quirks. They done very good. I do see that we could be very good friends evem in the future.

Friends come into your lives for a reason. You never know why, but never regret any friendships you make. Even if they fail. They served a purpose in that time of your life.  Treasure what time you do have with them.

Preying on The Innocent

I have been meaning to write this post for some time now. I needed proof of what I was talking about before I discuss it. For the past 10 years that I have been back in NY, there's this doctor's office that
has really gotten a reaction from me everyday.

There are 2 signs hanging on the gates to the property. The first one says her name and number. The second one says "Circumcisions Prevents HIV." That sign makes me react. What kind of stupidity is that. She is
preying on the ignorant and the uneducated. She has went thru countless years of school. She should know how HIV can be passed on.


First, I am the only person in my immediate family who is not in the health field. I have discussed this topic with my family, my personal doctor and various others in the health field. They all agree with me that this doctor is just after money by preying on those who don't know better.

Circumcisions can help you spot a laceration on the head of a penis. That can assist you to decide whether you want to risk having unprotected. It doesn't prevent HIV. Just gives you clearer vision on
the penis.

You can catch HIV from unprotected sex, sharing needles, lacerations, and blood donations. I am going to list each way to get and how to prevent.

Getting HIV from a blood donation in 1st World countries is extremely rare now since they check your blood before you donate. In 3rd world countries it is possible because they do not have resources to screen
blood. If you find yourself in a 3rd world country try not to get into a situation where you need a transfusion. If you do, have yourself flown to a 1st World country. It may be expensive, but would you
rather catch something that will inevitably kill you.

Lacerations, is when one person has a cut and the next person does and somehow the 2 cuts meet. Sometimes people do not know that they have a cut because it's so miniscule. Always, always use gloves if you are helping to tend to a wound on someone.

Never share needles!!! Whether it's for drugs or tattoos. You are giving the virus a direct connection. You can catch more than just HIV!!!

Lastly is having unprotected sex. Don't do it unless you are both tested and 200% sure that your other is not stepping out in the relationship. Always use a condom. If you have a latex allergy, there are condoms that you can use. Unfortunately lambskin condoms doesn't prevent transmission of STDs or HIV. However, the BEST way to prevent HIV is to be "abstinent."

If a doctor tells you that you have to be circumcized to prevent HIV, please run the opposite way. They just want money.