Kids' Answers to Questions

Read this and thought it was hilarious!!! 

Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10. Their answers below are enlightening:

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."(Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"(Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."(Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."(Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!"(Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."(Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."(Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."(Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."(Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."(Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."(Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television."(Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."(Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."(Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."(John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are...on fire."(Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."(Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you."(Doug, 7)

"It might help to watch soap operas all day."(Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it."(Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger, 8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."(Randy, 8)

Original Link Here.

Do Onto Others

Whether the following is true or not, it is a beautiful story!!!


Good morning said a woman as she walked up to the man sitting on the ground.

The man slowly looked up.

This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new.. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life.

His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.. "Leave me alone," he growled....

To his amazement, the woman continued standing.

She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.

"What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."

"This is a good deal for you, Jack" the officer answered. "Don't blow it.."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived...

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business.."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled....... "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a godly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

"Oh."

The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma’am. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.. "Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said.. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble... Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card.. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons...He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet... If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he said.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus...... He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways....

"Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And.. And thank you for the coffee."

God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..

Ditto: Bill Cosby's 83 & Tired

With respect to Bill Cosby, I have removed the content of this post. 

View reference here: http://billcosby.com/2011/09/if-you-got-the-bogus-email-its-time-to-hit-delete

Even though some thoughts in the post I agreed with.


I did however, state that I didn't think it was him in the beginning of the post. 

School 1965 vs 2010

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1965 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2010 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark.. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School board hold meeting to impliment bullying prevention programs

Scenario:
Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1965 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2010 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1965 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2010 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. 

Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1965 - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.

2010 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. 


Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Guy Fawkes, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a bullant nest.

1965 - Ants die.

2010- State Police, Star Force, Federal Police & Anti-terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, Feds investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario :
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary . Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1965 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2010 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy. 

This just shows how stupid we have become!

Think about it!

Who Lives In A House Like This

Imagine who would have such taste and live in such opulence?
An American Billionaire? A Saudi Prince? Louis XIV of France ?

Have a good look at these pictures, then scroll to the bottom of the page to see who owns this mansion.















This mansion is in Harare and belongs to:

The President of Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe -




His people starve and many die for lack of medical help. While the international community is asked to help his people over and over again, he and his family live like this.......
If you send this to everyone you know, they can send it to everyone they know and soon the whole world will know.

The citizens he is supposed to serve live like this:






"For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing."
- Edmund Burke

Health Care - Do You Need It?

Enough Said!!!

A Perfect Home for The Elderly

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Lodza Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW then, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

5 minute management lessons

Lesson 1:  
      A priest offered a Nun a lift.
      She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg..
      The priest nearly had an accident.
      After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
      The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
      The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
      The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' 
      The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
      Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
      On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' 
 
      Moral of the story:
 
      If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 2:      
       A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.   
      They rub it and a Genie comes out.
      The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 
      'Me first! Me first!' says the administration clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'  
      Puff! She's gone. 
      'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply       
      of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' 
      Puff! He's gone. 
     'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch' 
 
      Moral of the story:
 
      Always let your boss have the first say.
   
Lesson 3:
      An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
      A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
      The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 
      So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 
 
      Moral of the story: 
 
      To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up..
   Lesson 4 
      A turkey was chatting with a bull. 
      'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on
     some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
      The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. 
      The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.                      
      Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
      He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
 
      Moral of the story:  
 
      Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...
   
Lesson 5    
      A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. 
      While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. 
      As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. 
     The dung was actually thawing him out!
      He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
     A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
     Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. 
 
      Morals of the story:
 
      (1) Not everyone who shits  on you is your enemy. 
      (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 
      (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
     
     THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE 

Catholic Schools Work

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers.
  In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
 

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him  in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello.   Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

 To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother
tried to understand what made all the difference.

 Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

 She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"
 Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school  when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

The Moral of Auntie Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'

'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'

'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'

'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'

'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

When U Black, U Black

When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK , 
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK . 
             

NOW, You 'white' folks...

When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN 
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE , 
And when you die, you look GRAY. 

 

So who y'all be callin' COLORED Folks?

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX  
 (because they are plugged into a genius)
----------------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?   
(they don't have enough time) 
----------------------------------------------- 
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? 
(they don't stop to ask directions) 
----------------------------------------------- 
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? 
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
----------------------------------------------- 
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? 
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) 
---------------------------------------------- 
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? 
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 
----------------------------------------------- 
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? 
(don't know......it never happened) 
-----------------------------------------------  
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? 
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) 
----------------------------------------------- 
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'   'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'   He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'   And they say blonde's are dumb...   
---------------------------------------------   
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....' 
-----------------------------------------------   
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
  
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
----------------------------------------------- 
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?   
A: A rumor 
 ------- --------------------------------------- 
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat this SOB to death.  AMEN 
 ---------------------------------------------- 
Q: Why do little boys whine? 
A: They are practicing to be men.
  ----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?   
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. 
 ---------------------------------------------- 
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?   
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. 

Nine Words Women Use

This is so true on so many levels!!!! I couldn’t type this any other way.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

A Better Way To Solve US Financial Bail Out Plan

This was sent by my coworker. I really believe this is a great plan.

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I*m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let*s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let*s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult
18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has
$595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage * housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans * what a great boost to new grads Put away money for college * it*ll be there Save in a bank * create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car * create jobs
Invest in the market * capital drives growth Pay for your parent*s medical insurance * health care improves Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean * or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we*re going to re-distribute wealth let*s really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( *vote buy* ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we*re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let*s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG * liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sect
or bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here*s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn*t.

Sure it*s a crazy idea that can *never work.* But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
$25.5 Billion is returned instantly in 20taxes to Uncle Sam.