Friday, September 11, 2009

Old Wives Tales

Old wives tales tell us that we will meet our match one day and we'll know it in an instant. Those same wives will also tell you not to be picky and marry any man that asks. What's so wrong with choosing what suits you best? Men do it all the time. They do not just settle for any woman they see. They take their time to meet a lot of women before they choose.

I can say my dating is not grand. I tend to avoid it. I've learned quite a lot of lessons in my relationships. Good and bad lessons. I've learned that I am a committmentaphobic. I don't easily get into relationships. It's not because I believe there's plenty of fish. My issue is that I don't have a lot of patience. I don't like my time being wasted. If I find the guy I start to date is all about games and bullshit, I just stop bothering with them and move on.

I have had relationships that has lasted 3.5 years and those that lasted 2 months. Some of my exes I had thought were close to my match. The ones that were close remain my friends to this day. I've been proposed to twice. One is married. One is almost like he's married. And one who still wants me back. However none of them were my match. I'd marry one of them if need be because they were close enough to it.

I also have a guy whom I've never dated who I consider one of my best male friends who at numerous occasions I think may be match. It is easy think so because we think alike and enjoy each other's company. And we are both drawn to each other. But we've never had the opportunity to date. We've been in relationships while each other have been single. Now we are at the point that we are both single. Sometimes I wonder but then I change my mind.

Maybe I'm being selfish when I do look for someone to be my match. I get asked over and over again what am I looking for in my match. What I do look for I don't think exists anymore. I'm looking for a guy who is secure in himself and with being in a relationship. He will have to work at a decent or better job han me and be able to provide. I am looking for a go getter. A guy who don't just sit on his ass. If he sees something wrong he wants to fix it instead of whining to me about how it is broken.

As I stated on my facebook page one day, I am looking for my Cliff Huxtable, will settle for Carl Winslow but I do not want James Evans Sr. I got a lot of slack from that, but I still stand strong to my belief. I do not want to lower my station in life. I don't want to financially support my husband like I would a child. I've never lived in the projects and I don't plan to. I will not have any support from Evans Sr if I lost my job. The whole relationship would be strained. I am not saying that he wouldn't be a good father, but it's a stressful situation when money's not paying bills. And I'm not paying them by myself.

With Winslow and Huxtable I would be comfortable enough that if I did lose my job, we will not be hurting so much. Before any of you think I am after men for their wallets, I am not. I am an independent career woman. I hold my own.

I am not going to hold up my life waiting for my match either. I'd rather remain single than to get in a relationship that I don't see going anywhere just because he's a guy. I never had the fantasy of getting married when I was growing up like some of my friends. I was too involved in trying to outsmart my mother who wouldn't let me hang out with my friends. I say if it happens it is a blessing and I will live up to being my husband's wife. If it doesn't happen I am not going to cry and wish I settled for some lame guy. I enjoy the men I meet sometimes. I find good ones and doozies. But I like getting to know people. I'm never really lonely because I have some good friends. I thank them for that.

Until I find my match or close to it, I will be fine and happy single. I will not settle.