Strawberry Letter 23 - Subject: Not Enough Time

Dear Steve&Shirley I am a 29yr old female that is very independent I have two jobs & go to school full time with no kids. But thats not the problem the problem is that I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for 9 months and he says that we dont spend enough time together. At first when I wanted to spend time with him he was to busy working on his projects & would tell me to fall back so he could finish & we would have time when he was done. So i got the two jobs & school to occupy my time so that I wouldnt bother him. Now that my plate is a little full its a problem that we dont have that spending time together, so he want me to quit one of my jobs so the time would be there. The main thing that is bothering me now is that he think that I dont want to sacrifies things for him so he always will make the statement if you cant do this for me then "I will find someone else that dont have to much on their plate to focus just on me." I do love him but I am confused because we spend time when i am off but thats not good enough for him. What can I do to show him that I want just as much time with him as he does with out stopping the things that I am doing? Signed Busy Female

My response:

Never sacrafice your income & your education for any man. If he is a great guy, he'd support your desire to better yourself. You come first before any man. You can't take care of a man unless you can take care of yourself.

You can always find time to spend with him. I'm guessing the time you can give him he doesn't want. That is his problem, not yours. It may be conflicting with another girl. If he's giving you an ultimatum on time, tell him to back off. If he don't like it, tell him to hit the road.

No man will give you that type of ultimatum if he loved you. He just want you to fall in line so he can have his cake. Send him packing.  

Strawberry Letter 23 - Subject: Should I leave or let him continue to be my "sponsor"?

Dear Morning Show Crew: Hi I am a 24 year old african american young lady who is dating an 30 year old white male. We have been dating for a little over a year and he still does not love me. He says that he really cares for me and doesnt know if he could ever love me because of what his ex-wife did to him. But its been over five years since they have split and I think that its time for him to move on and past that. He says that he doesnt love me and doesnt know if he can have a future with me but says he really cares for me and doesnt want me to leave him because Im the good woman that he needs in his life. He also wants me to have his children (which he would want full custody of) and says that we would be great parents even if we are not together. I mean he is a really nice person and takes care of me and provides for me like a man should but he is also a lira and a cheater. So should I just pack up and go or just stay and let him continue to be my "sponsor" and continue to take care of me until I can save enough money to stand on my own two feet? I mean will it seem like Im using him? Would I be wrong for doing that? I need some advice PLEASE HELP! Thank You, Young & Confused

My response (It's a bit scattered but I'll get better at it):

First of all, this man is not your boyfriend. Nor is he a person who loves you. Why are you wasting your time? He is getting what he wants from you without any attachments or any responsibility. He takes care of you like a man should? No he's not. He is just paying for the sex you offer him. If he was taking care of you like he should be, he would be making plans to be with you, i.e.  proposing to you & working on the way to getting married.



He wants you have his children without you having full custody? He just wants to control you. Why are you even still with him? You even say he is a liar. Why are you not packing your bags? What kind of relationship do you have without trust? He says there is no future because he does not love you and he probably has multiple other women in your same predicament.

Your letter is screaming with alarms that make me think that your self esteem is so low or nearly non-existent. Yes you are young. So you have a lot of time to find the right man for you. Move on little lady & learn to love yourself. Without loving yourself you do not know what it is for a man to love you.

JH Meets Mom

My mom finally came up to visit from Florida. She is stayec with us for 3 weeks. I was a bit nervous for this visit. She was very against JH living with me. It was not to do with JH at all but her beliefs. She doesn't believe in men and women living together if they are not married.

When she arrived, JH and I went to pick her up at the airport. This was their first meeting. He helped her with her bags and got her into the car. It was a very pleasant ride back home.

She got to spend a lot of time with him. He even received the "what are your intentions" talk from her. Hell he even got that from my bro and my father.

Since we were going to spend Thanksgiving as a family, we decided to cook. We had gingerbeer, pineapple drink, ham, chicken, curried goat, asparagus, spinach, sweet potato, mac & cheese, rice & peas and pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. It was good food. We all ate until we had the itis.

I really enjoyed the time with my mom. We didn't bicker like we usually do. She did tell me she really likes JH. Normally this would make me not like JH. This time is different. JH has gotten under my skin.

My mom left after 3 weeks and she invited JH down for Christmas. However, I'm the only person heading down. He and my bro has to work. The situation sucks because I wanted to spend Christmas with all of my family. My mom left happy. She coud tell JH is a great guy.

Side Note: My sister finally met JH. She likes him. She asked me if I'm having a big wedding or so because Camille is dying to be in a wedding. I told her I'm having a destination wedding. Nothing big. However, the conversation is premature because JH hasn't even proposed.