Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Poet In Me

I was thinking or should I say dreaming about publishing my vast amount poems. I had stopped writing poems for a while, but I have racked up a good 30 poems that reflect different periods in my life in my youth.

I was thinking in discussing the time periods for each poem. Does that sound good? Or does that defeat reading the poem? I think I should do it. I know I asked your opinion, but my gut is saying just to add my story along with the poem. They say going with your gut leads you in the correct place.

All the poems I have had copyrighted with the US Library of Congress years ago. Why did I copyright them and not put them out for the world to read? I think it's high time I release them to the world.

I do need an artist though. Someone to create an interesting cover design. I think I should ask my friend if she can. She's a wonderful artist. I need a piece that has angst, youth with artsy feel. I wish I was artsy in the sense of drawing or illustrating. I can't even use photoshop. It's beyond my analytical mind. I'm a numbers girl. My art is getting companies' and people's finances straight.

I will work the next few weeks on getting this book ready. I will also have to learn the publishing requirements for Smashwords & Maybe I'll look into Barnes & Noble and Apple too. Can't be choosey.

This will be my first solo project to be published. I have written copy for my company in a TimeOut Kids magazine. My name is not mentioned there. I also was a contributor to an Anthology in 2012. I was one amongst 7 other brilliant authors. You can find the book here.

I hope this goes well. It's something that I want to do. I do get discouraged easily. I will stay on it. I will drop hints on twitter about how it's going. I will make another post about launch dates.

I will also learn how to market myself. This is something I really need to learn. This experience will teach me a lot. Experience is the best teacher.

If anyone knows an illustrator or artist, can you send me their name and email address to the email address here?

Thanks for reading. I'm pretty excited!!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Scaredy Cat

I want talk about fear. It's something that's been a recent issue with me. I'm a bit fearful right now. It's kind of hard to explain to my husband even though I try to discuss it with him. Sometimes it scares me to even discuss them with him.

My husband is not abusive or domineering at all. We have a wonderful relationship. He's my best friend. I couldn't want anyone else. It's just that I'm still not used to discussing my fears with anyone. I'm always the one in my family who has to be strong. So I internalize a lot of my angst and do what I need to do. So this adjustment to leaning on my husband (emotionally) is hard. I do make it a point to tell him that I love him and stuff. I need him to know it. I don't ever want him doubting my feelings because I'm not discussing my emotions. It's hard for me to discuss my emotions period, so I do believe I'm making headway in this area.

It's the stuff that can stress me out (fear) that I do have the most difficult time trying to talk about. So this is my very first time trying to sit and write it out for the world to read. I am better in discussing my feelings on paper than verbally. So here we go. Please bear with me. It may be choppy and disorganized.

My hubby has been trying to get into either the SPD (Suffolk County Police) or NYPD (New York Police). I want him to get in because he's trying so hard and it is something he wants to do. So I will support him as much as I possibly can.

What I'm scared of is more of when he does get in. I'm scared of him getting injured or worse, killed in action. Criminals out there are no joke nowadays. They are quick to shoot police and regular citizens. I hate to admit how violent our world has become. I just want to keep my hubby as safe as possible. I can't possibly see a future without him. My over-protective inner me wants to keep him in the house safe at all times. That's not productive or reasonable.

Fear #2
Let's say he gets into SPD. We would probably have to move to Long Island or Queens so he can get to work easier. I have no fear of moving. I've moved so my times in my life already.

My fear is of the people in further parts of Long Island. Are they racists? Will they accept me and my husband (who is white)? Will my being out there cause any problems for my husband at work? These unknowns I am fearful. You hear may tales that the further into Long Island the more white and less minority. You also hear stories of racism. Not just against blacks, but against any other non-white races. I'm a bit leary of people nowadays. The past 2 presidential elections just proved how rampant racism is in our society.

Before, I never really cared about race relations. It's a new area to me now that I married outside race. I just don't want my race hurting my husband. My husband doesn't really care what others may think when it comes to us. I just don't want to jeopardize anything for him.

Fear #3
This fear I can't discuss. This fear is paralyzing. It can keep me up all night for days on end if I let it overpower my consciousness. I can't write it down because it may just send me in a downward spiral. Maybe one day I can come and amend this post when I get a handle on it.

My fears can be baseless to some or valid to others. These are my fears. They are very valid to me. Sometimes I tell myself that there's nothing to fear. It subsides every now and then. I can't live my life constantly in fear so I have to overcome them. I can't let my fear keep me from seeing outcomes of life decisions. Fears should be conquered, not nurtured. But why is it so hard? We should have some mechanism in life that we can just erase fear. However, it is necessary in life. Bah!

How do you overcome fear?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I Believe I May Be In Love

Before I married, I never know what loving someone wholeheartedly really meant. I believed I loved the men in my past relationships. However, nothing compared to the magnitude that I love my husband.

How can you love someone so hard? I can understand how people can become fatally attracted. I never thought I can be attached to someone. I'm ususually the one who has a wall up around my heart. I rarely let anyone in. Somehow my husband snuck his way in.

When I think about him, my heart fills with joy and love. I love him regardless of his faults. He is not perfect, but he is for me. He is very unassuming and treats me better than any boyfriend I had in my past. He does so much little things that melt my heart. I find myself wanting to take care if him.

I never understood when past boyfriends would say they missed me 2 hours after talking to them. I thought they were just crazy. It used to bother me a lot when they called or texted me saying "I miss you". I now understand. When you are so invested into the person, you want to be with them all the time. I don't think I'll ever grow tired of my hubby. I don't think I get enough time with him as it is.

I can't believe he loves me too. It's hard to wrap around my brain sometimes. He's not repulsed by me. He loves being close to me. He loves my farts and all. That is dedication, lol. He is also very attentive to me. He knows me so well it's scary. He knows when I'm not feeling well before I even verbalize it. He knows me thru and thru. There's no more mystery and he still loves me.

This post is mostly gushing about my feelings. I'm learning how to express them. Plus talking love is so easy now that I've been in a love bubble for nearly 3 years now. I'm more open to love. You have to thank my hubby for that. Without him I'd probably turn into an old crabby spinster woman.

Thanks for listening.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Copycat, Copycat

Copying is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that. When does copying start looking more like being ripped off? When does this apply to blogging?

I have a bunch of blogs that I keep up with. My favorite is The Bloggess. I stumbled upon her couple years ago from a magazine article. I checked her out and fell in love with her blog. She has a style that us all her own. She is quite unique.

Recently I began shuffling blogs I read. Get rid of some and gaining new ones. I stumbled upon a blog. I started to like it. I noticed it read similarly to one I was already reading. I was being duped to think this blog was my favorite blog. This blog was an out right copy of The Bloggess' style. It has different topics but the writing and the layout of posts are exactly the same. She writes almost the same style. It's like she studied The Bloggess' page thru and thru and reproduced it with different topics.

My feelings were beyond hurt. I was shocked, sad and a bit indignant. How could this woman just copy Bloggess' style so blatantly. Can't she write in her own style? I understand Bloggess popularity is at a high. I'm sure when she started she wasn't. It takes time to get followers and popularity. She worked hard for it. This person is just trying to steal her thunder.

Is there anything out there to protect bloggers from counterfeit bloggers? How can a blogger protect themselves from the copycat? At this point in the game do we just chalk it up to the crazy Internet and move on?