Tiger vs Fly

Fly: Ooh I'm gonna buzz by this human's ear while she's on the can.

Me: what the hell? There's a fly in here. *sigh*

Fly: ha ha she stuck on the toilet. She can't get me. But still my hand's dirty let me perch so I can clean it.

Me: where did that fly go? (Looking around after finishing using the toilet) I see you but you are difficult to get to. I'm gonna splash you with water.

Fly: What the hell? Water? Oh shit she saw me. Let me move.

Me: where's a flip flop when you need.

Leaves bathroom to retrieve flip flop.

Me: now where did you go fly? It's me or you. One of us are going down.

Fly: maybe if I stay still she won't see me. But I have to readjust myself.

Me: ah ha!! Found you.

Fly: oh shit oh shit. I better go thru the door.

Fly flies right into the mirror.

Fly: (stunned a bit) oh shit that was a mirror. That fucking hurt. Ok, I see the path clearly now. (Prepping himself) so I'm gonna look tough and make a mad dash towards the human. She is in the path to the door.

Fly makes his attempt.

Me: boy are you bold. Take that!

I swat fly with flip flop. He sails and lands on top of toilet.

Fly: ow ow ow that fuckin' hurts. She's really trying to kill me. Oh my God Oh my God oh my God I need to get outta here. But I can't seem to fly correctly.

I swat the fly again.

Fly: what the fuck just happened (coming too from being knocked out) oh shit, it's coming again. Let me play dead.

Me: it's finally dead. Let me flush it.

I use the flip flop to scoop the fly into the toilet.

Fly: ok it doesn't look as if she going to swat me but that shoe is definitely coming closer. Maybe I'll grab onto it.

Me: oh you're alive. Let me fix that.

I swat then dump into the toilet.

Fly: oh shit!! I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Ooh shit I'm in water. I gotta get out here!!!!

Me: ta ta motherfucker!!!

I close the lid to the toilet and flushed.

Fly: Fuck Me!!!!

I open toilet when the flush is done. No fly.

Me: Ah.. Heavenly. Told you it's one or the other. I knew it wasn't going to be me.