I haven't posted in awhile. I'm sorry. I have have been wrapped in a fog of funk. I've just started coming out of it. So I decided to write my 2015 recap. 2015 had been a crappy year. There were some good times too. So I'm deciding how I should present this recap; should list by topic, pros and cons or just ramble on. I think I'll go by pros and cons, more like cons then pros.
Cons:
1. Work this year has been horrible. It is not as bad as my previous job. This one is so easy right now. But it's stress comes in different forms. One form is a CEO who does not seem to understand what it takes to run a company. It's very annoying when you learn someone who's been a CEO and CFO at other major companies have no idea of accounting. I mean, come on. The other is that the business model works but it doesn't really. There are so many reasons why it's not. The concept works but execution is sloppy. We have wrong demographics and horrible marketing. Subliminal sales do not make a company grow. Mr Wonderful would say this is a hobby, lol.
This has been a struggle all year which puts a damper on everything throughout last year. Couldn't accomplish what I wanted this year because of this job. Hence my fog of funk.
2. I have to have surgery. It's a bit stressful especially never really having major surgery before. I try not to show my stress, but it's there. I'm mostly aprehensive of the scar after surgery and getting a catheter during surgery. I will probably be depressed about it because I'll feel damaged. It took me a month getting over a root canal.
3. I didn't get a chance to publish my book. I haven't even been able to sit down to write and edit. I was hoping to do so before end of 2015. My mind has been clouded and my inspiration to write was extremely minimal. Being in a funk saps inspiration and creativity.
Pros:
1. My husband has been my rock this year and always, but this year truly. I look forward to more years of him being my rock.
2. Getting Author page on Goodreads. I discussed this in lenghth in a previous post.
3. My family is healthy and strong. I can't ask for anything more for them.
So for the better part of the year end and new year, I've been absorbing myself into reading a lot of manga. If you are on my Goodreads, you'd see a ton of manga being read. It helps me get out of reality and my funk. I really need to get out of it.
I am hoping this year will be better. It is starting off rough. Maybe it'll get much better. I hope to post a more positive post sooner.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Friday, January 1, 2016
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Introducing ...........
Hi. CC allowed me to introduce myself. She's awesome, but you guys know that already. I've never really introduced myself before so please bare with me. Let me get to my intro. Drum roll please..... (Tapping on the desktop). My name is Amelie. Most call me Mel or Meli. I'm from a quaint little town called Pinevale in Upstate New York. It's a little town that houses a lot of sleep away camps in the summer. It's home and I love it.
Hmm a little about myself. What can I say? I find it hard to talk about myself. I'm more of an answer a question type. I don't usually divulge anything unless asked; it's a force of habit. Maybe this was a bad idea. Let me get CC here... BRB......
(Meli stands in front of the tv in the living-room where CC is watching.)
CC: (sighs) Hey Meli, what do you need?
Meli: (with arms crossed her chest) I need you to interview me.
CC: (exasperated) Why? I just gave you free reign of my blog. Knock yourself out.
Meli: (head hanging) I don't know what to say. If you interview me, I'd be able to express myself better.
CC: Fine. (Shaking head) But you'll owe me.
Meli: Whatever you want.
CC: (looking at the screen) You guys are my witness, she promised me. (Turning back to Meli) I want a date with Lane.
Meli: (groans) You know I can't guarantee that. He's so fickle.
CC: You promised and I have witnesses.
Meli: (groans) Alright alright I will do my best. Can we get on with this?
CC: (clears throat) So what brings you here today?
Meli: You told me to come introduce myself. Why else would I be here? Duh...
CC: Don't get smart with me. I can go back in the living room and finish up my episode of Once Upon a Time.
Meli: Sorry. You know I get to be a bit of a smart ass when I'm nervous.
CC: (mumbling) Trust me it's not only then.
Meli: (frowning) I heard you. (pointing to her ears) I will remember that. Let's continue and I'll be on my best behavior.
CC: (clears throat) What was it like growing up?
Meli: (somber) It was rough growing up. My mom did her best. When I was a kid, the council made my mom send me to some lab because I exhibited some power that was beyond my age. There they kept me strapped to a bed; constantly took my blood. There was this boy who eventually took pity on me and opened the restraints I was in. That was the most difficult time for me. Once I escaped and told my mom what was happening, she moved us away. That's when we found Pinevale and settled down. I hate that part of my childhood. Only brings back pain and distrust. From there, I grew up as normally as possible for a witch. My mom kept all council related dealings away from me. I wanted nothing to do with them. They were evil to me. I learned on my own (with help of mom and Cecil) how to manage my powers. They are my backbone. They are my family.
CC: What ever happened to your father?
Meli: (annoyed) What father? Mine was a deadbeat. He left my mom when I was still in the womb. If I had the gumption, I'd find him and torture him.
CC: That's kind of harsh.
Meli: (shrugs) Never said I was a saint.
CC: So do you have a boyfriend?
Meli: (laughing) I have what I have. That's all folks need to know.
CC: (laughing) How's your mom doing?
Meli: (with a happy glow on her face) She's very well. She's retired and traveling the world. Right now she's on a cruise. I'm so jealous. I haven't had a vaca in so long.
CC: You are no longer working so what's keeping you busy?
Meli: (tensing up) What I have is a constant training regime that I can't seem to shake. My slave drivers have learned my tricks. BRB, I'm hungry.
20 minutes later.
CC: Better?
Meli: (with a toothy smile) Much. Thanks. Now where were we? What keeps me busy? Besides the slave drivers keeping me constantly training, I have taken up gaming.
CC: What games do you play?
Meli: A little bit of this and that, but I love MMORPGs.
CC: What are MMORPGs?
Meli: Come on CC. I know you know what they are. You play one too.
CC: (sighs) Not for me, remember? The interview... There are people reading this.
Meli: My bad. I forgot. MMORPGS stand for Massively multiplayer online role playing game. You get to play a game with people all over the world. I love it.
CC: Which game do you play? And what's your character like?
Meli: (giggling like a kid) Final fantasy 14. My character is the cutest Mi'quote ever. It's a cat girl. She has silverishy blue hair and eyes. I so love my character. I think I'll dress up as her for Halloween. Tee hee.
CC: Aren't you too old for halloween? And I would think you'd have some aversion to the day.
Meli: You are never too old for halloween. I mean come on. It's a day for fun. I used to loath the day when I was younger, I admit. I couldn't understand how they dress up witches to look like horrible evil looking green monsters. We do not look anything like that. If I ever found out who started this, I'd snuff him. Well not really. I'd have him singing a new tune. If I only could go back in time. Hmmmm.... (Trails off in thought)
CC: (waving her hands in front of Mel's face) Earth to Mel. Where did you just drift off too?
Meli: (snaps out of it) Oh... nowhere. I had a passing thought. I'm bored. I think I should interview you for the rest of this post.
CC: Why is that?
Meli: So the world can know your greatness.
CC: (blushing) Heh heh. You just trying to butter me up to get out of your promise.
Meli: Not at all.
CC: Ok, go ahead.
Meli: So why aren't you scared of me?
CC: Why should I be? You are like my inner self. My best friend for years.
Meli: (squealing) Aw you are so sweet.
CC: You getting mushy on me?
Meli: Never that. You just got a rare moment. So, so since you live in Brooklyn, how did you find out about Pinevale?
CC: I was one of those kids that enjoyed the hell out of summer camp in Pinevale.
Meli: Ahh one of those. Most of the time, I see more sniveling kids always crying that they miss their moms or dads. Ugh, they are so annoying.
CC: Not me. I relished being away from home.
Meli: So what prompted you to start writing? You didn't actually go to school for it. You're an accountant, right?
CC: Yeah, I am. But I've always had such a rich imagination. I have very elaborative dreams that I remember. I do write down the good ones to come back to later. I've even posted some of them on my blog. The ones I post I don't want to flush out into full novels at all. But being an accountant doesn't really enable your imagination. It's an exact science with a bit of probability.
Meli: So what made you write about me?
CC: Really? You ask me that? You've been haunting me for years. I couldn't get away from you. You came in my dreams, my daydreams whenever I had a peaceful moment. You're a damn stalker.
Meli: You say that like it's a bad thing. I may make you famous.
CC : You have such a big personality you should be, but I know I have to be realistic. There are millions of authors. Just to break thru millions to get notice is hard.
Meli: I have faith in you. I know you will do well. (feeling like someone's tugging a hair) I'm getting a signal from my slave drivers that they need me home, so I'm going to wrap up.
Cc: Really? I can go back to watching Once Upon a time.
Meli: (sighing) Watching that fairy tail bullshit. Your a grown woman. Geez.
CC: (sticking my tongue out) You don't know what you are missing. Don't knock it until you try it. (Mel rolls her eyes).
Well thank you guys for listening... Err.... Reading this post. It was nice meeting you. I hope to talk with you in the near future. I'm sorry I have to run so soon, but I'm being summoned. Next time will be better. Trust me. I also hope you'll like CC's book about me. It's very action packed. Take care and stay safe.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
This is for the Healers
For all my peeps who play a MMO. Especially a healer, this picture is for you.
I can't help laugh everytime I see this.
I can't help laugh everytime I see this.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Reading is So Much Fun
Lately I've been in a reading frenzy. My Goodreads account can attest to that. I still have a ton of books to add to my read folders. I used to be the woman on the train nose into a book. Now I have my nose in front of an iPad mini.
When Amazon came out with the Kindle, I was not enthused. Who would really want to read on a device? Carrying a book was so much better. You couldn't convince me otherwise. I'm known to be stubborn. Then at a point I stopped wearing these oversized pocketbooks (purses to some). They were heavy and starting to hurt my shoulder. I would carry everything including the kitchen sink in there; purse (to some, wallet), book, iPad, iPhone, umbrella, lotion, etc (you get the picture). So I moved to Amazon Kindle App. Why use iBooks? I can transfer my purchases to any device that has it available. Yay, for practicality. It is my husband who convinced me to use iBooks. So now I am entangled in Apples ecosystem. They have me hooked for life.
Anyway, I like to read a variety of genres, but my Goodreads will show that I read a lot Manga. Manga is essentially Japanese comics. I particularly like the Shojo (focused for women readers), slice of life and some Shonen (focused for men). It really all depends on the story. I am not limited to just manga either. They are in more of an abundance between releases from favorite authors.
I love Catherine Coulters FBI series and Brit in FBI series. Please don't get her confused with Ann Coulter. I don't know if they are related, but Ann is a racist jackass (sorry for the language). I'm all for conservatives and what have you. Just don't be a racist jackass and you'd get a better reaction from me. I got off course a bit. The last book I read just came out in September and I finished it within a week. It was called End Game. It was soooo good. I was in serious withdrawal. I have to wait until next year for the next book, very sad face here. Catherine, if you read this, please write faster. I need my Nicholas fix.
Reading is a great hobby. You get brought into a whole new world where the impossible can happen. I love to use my imagination as I read. I have such rich views on what the author is telling in his/her story. I get very disappointed when a book ends too. I go thru some stages of grief. Then I imagine a continuation in my head. Or I imagine how the characters would fit into reality.
I hope I give my readers the same feel when they read one of my books. It would be awesome to have the following some others have but it is a dream. New authors rarely get that great a following unless they tap just the right set of people. I will do my best to try. I would love to be a full time writer and reader. I'd be in hog heaven. But I'd miss my husband, family and friends.
Anyway, this is my nonsensical post for the day. Stay tuned. I will introduce you to Meli. She is dying to meet you.
When Amazon came out with the Kindle, I was not enthused. Who would really want to read on a device? Carrying a book was so much better. You couldn't convince me otherwise. I'm known to be stubborn. Then at a point I stopped wearing these oversized pocketbooks (purses to some). They were heavy and starting to hurt my shoulder. I would carry everything including the kitchen sink in there; purse (to some, wallet), book, iPad, iPhone, umbrella, lotion, etc (you get the picture). So I moved to Amazon Kindle App. Why use iBooks? I can transfer my purchases to any device that has it available. Yay, for practicality. It is my husband who convinced me to use iBooks. So now I am entangled in Apples ecosystem. They have me hooked for life.
Anyway, I like to read a variety of genres, but my Goodreads will show that I read a lot Manga. Manga is essentially Japanese comics. I particularly like the Shojo (focused for women readers), slice of life and some Shonen (focused for men). It really all depends on the story. I am not limited to just manga either. They are in more of an abundance between releases from favorite authors.
I love Catherine Coulters FBI series and Brit in FBI series. Please don't get her confused with Ann Coulter. I don't know if they are related, but Ann is a racist jackass (sorry for the language). I'm all for conservatives and what have you. Just don't be a racist jackass and you'd get a better reaction from me. I got off course a bit. The last book I read just came out in September and I finished it within a week. It was called End Game. It was soooo good. I was in serious withdrawal. I have to wait until next year for the next book, very sad face here. Catherine, if you read this, please write faster. I need my Nicholas fix.
Reading is a great hobby. You get brought into a whole new world where the impossible can happen. I love to use my imagination as I read. I have such rich views on what the author is telling in his/her story. I get very disappointed when a book ends too. I go thru some stages of grief. Then I imagine a continuation in my head. Or I imagine how the characters would fit into reality.
I hope I give my readers the same feel when they read one of my books. It would be awesome to have the following some others have but it is a dream. New authors rarely get that great a following unless they tap just the right set of people. I will do my best to try. I would love to be a full time writer and reader. I'd be in hog heaven. But I'd miss my husband, family and friends.
Anyway, this is my nonsensical post for the day. Stay tuned. I will introduce you to Meli. She is dying to meet you.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
C.C. Hartley's in the House
The name I'm using as an author is C.C. Hartley. It is a shortened version of my name. It is way too long to put on a book cover, I must say. The name also has a wonderful sound to it.
At first, I didn't really like it. I was never going to use my real name. Then I thought differently. Why hide behind a pen name that makes me anonymous? I should be proud to be seen as an author. Now, if I venture into the erotic (XXX) novels, well.... maybe then I'd use a pen name. I don't want people in my corporate life to treat me differently. Wouldn't want to lose clients.
So what's behind a pen name? Don't we all use it daily in our lives? We make up user names for Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest etc. Why are we afraid of using our real names? Some of us do, because we want to troll others, harass others or want to say lewd or derogatory statements online without being identified. Then there are those of us us, who are normal upright people, who use them for good and are based on things that hold meaning. My user name (I keep the same name where ever I go) is my favorite animal. I love Tigers. White ones more-so because they are more rare. I think tigers are my soul animal. Unfortunately, my Chinese zodiac puts me under "Rabbit". I am so not a rabbit.
This post was about introducing you to my almost complete novel and it turned out as a discussion of pen names. Boy, I am so easily distracted. I could've just deleted above paragraphs and start again but why should I? It's me. Love me or hate me, but I'm always going to be me. So let me continue with my post.
My novel is about to be finished. I just have make it pretty (put in more descriptives), have it edited and then find an artist to illustrate my cover. This particular story is a start of a series. This character has been in my head for nearly 20 years. She needed to be born. It's a paranormal fiction. I would place it in fiction, but since it has paranormal creatures it's going to be placed under horror.
The only thing that is giving me a block is a title for the novel. I've never been good with naming and such. I struggle for titles for blog posts. I want the title to grab people. I don't necessarily want it to be obvious that it's a series either. Maybe I should hold a contest to make a title, lol.
What is the book about? I would love to answer this question, but I'm trying to learn the knack of not relaying too much info and keep you interested in reading the whole book. What I can say is that it has vampires and witches (variety of types). It does have a little romance in it, but it's not the main focus. In a future post I will post introductions to the protagonist and antagonist. I am looking forward to seeing how people react to my introductions.
What sets my novel apart from others? Other authors have created their own myths behind vampires. My mythology is more biological mixed with magic. Other vampires are either lusty or evil. My vampires are sexy yes, but they are not inherently evil. They are more humanized. Just like humans, what they go thru in life is what makes their personality what it is. They just don't switch personalities when they are turned (over even if they weren't). My vampires don't glitter, glow or shine. There is only one distinct feature that sets them apart from humans. I will let you learn about that when you read my story.
I was hoping to have this novel published at the end of this month but this is not realistic. Maybe end of November. I also need to work on my website too. So much to do and so little time.
Ta ta for now.
At first, I didn't really like it. I was never going to use my real name. Then I thought differently. Why hide behind a pen name that makes me anonymous? I should be proud to be seen as an author. Now, if I venture into the erotic (XXX) novels, well.... maybe then I'd use a pen name. I don't want people in my corporate life to treat me differently. Wouldn't want to lose clients.
So what's behind a pen name? Don't we all use it daily in our lives? We make up user names for Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest etc. Why are we afraid of using our real names? Some of us do, because we want to troll others, harass others or want to say lewd or derogatory statements online without being identified. Then there are those of us us, who are normal upright people, who use them for good and are based on things that hold meaning. My user name (I keep the same name where ever I go) is my favorite animal. I love Tigers. White ones more-so because they are more rare. I think tigers are my soul animal. Unfortunately, my Chinese zodiac puts me under "Rabbit". I am so not a rabbit.
This post was about introducing you to my almost complete novel and it turned out as a discussion of pen names. Boy, I am so easily distracted. I could've just deleted above paragraphs and start again but why should I? It's me. Love me or hate me, but I'm always going to be me. So let me continue with my post.
My novel is about to be finished. I just have make it pretty (put in more descriptives), have it edited and then find an artist to illustrate my cover. This particular story is a start of a series. This character has been in my head for nearly 20 years. She needed to be born. It's a paranormal fiction. I would place it in fiction, but since it has paranormal creatures it's going to be placed under horror.
The only thing that is giving me a block is a title for the novel. I've never been good with naming and such. I struggle for titles for blog posts. I want the title to grab people. I don't necessarily want it to be obvious that it's a series either. Maybe I should hold a contest to make a title, lol.
What is the book about? I would love to answer this question, but I'm trying to learn the knack of not relaying too much info and keep you interested in reading the whole book. What I can say is that it has vampires and witches (variety of types). It does have a little romance in it, but it's not the main focus. In a future post I will post introductions to the protagonist and antagonist. I am looking forward to seeing how people react to my introductions.
What sets my novel apart from others? Other authors have created their own myths behind vampires. My mythology is more biological mixed with magic. Other vampires are either lusty or evil. My vampires are sexy yes, but they are not inherently evil. They are more humanized. Just like humans, what they go thru in life is what makes their personality what it is. They just don't switch personalities when they are turned (over even if they weren't). My vampires don't glitter, glow or shine. There is only one distinct feature that sets them apart from humans. I will let you learn about that when you read my story.
I was hoping to have this novel published at the end of this month but this is not realistic. Maybe end of November. I also need to work on my website too. So much to do and so little time.
Ta ta for now.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Times Are A Changin'.....
It's been a while since I last posted. There have been a lot going on; some good, some bad and some in between. Today is not to inundate you with all that's on my mind, it's to tell you about some changes. I will inundate you later. There is a lot to be said.
I have been contemplating what to do with my life now that I have the liberty to do so. So I decided to pursue my independence in a sort if manner. It's not like I'm a slave or an indentured servant or any sort like that. It's more like pursuing what makes me happy. What makes me happy and satisfies my imagination is reading and writing. So I am going to step forward in the next direction. I know I can't afford to go cold turkey. I am working on becoming a freelancer in my current field. That should help bring in some money to pay my bills and still be flexible enough to pursue my current goal.
I started on my goal 2 weeks ago. Since I have a published book prior, I have turned my Goodread's account into an author account. Yay!!!! I was so excited. So now besides people reading my blog posts here, they'll be able to read it on Goodreads. This is going to be my platform to advertise to book lovers and to meet other fellow authors. I am so excited about this. I need to thank my collaborators in my Paranormal and Horror Lovers group on Goodreads to let me contribute to their anthology. Without that I couldn't create an author page until I actually finished my book. That would be too late if I want to generate buzz. But let's leave this topic alone for right now. I will revisit it soon.
What does this mean for this blog? Not very much. I am still going to be the same opinionated woman. I will stay true to myself. However, I may stop posting things that will cause horrible backlash. I don't want to be a Rayven Simone and back peddle on my beliefs because I upset a group of people's feelings. If anyone knows me, they know I don't like to apologize. So I will make sure not to do something that would cause me to. I follow the old saying, "if you don't have something positive to say, don't say it at all". I whole hearted believe that. I do get into moods where I vent and say stuff I believe at the moment but later change my opinion. I'm human and a woman so I'm allowed. I will try to refrain from bad behavior here unless I need the controversy.
I will continue to blog on games, life, book reviews and all that I encompass on this blog. Topics I will refrain from (which I believe I have managed to do so far) discussing religion and politics. I particularly hate politics more-so than religion. These are 2 topics that bring out the worse in human behavior.
I will strive to be as positive as possible. This world is filled with so much negativity that I want to contribute to some positivity. To shine some light where there is an abundance of dark.
This is only the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I hope to bring you along on this journey. I do hope you enjoy the ride.
I have been contemplating what to do with my life now that I have the liberty to do so. So I decided to pursue my independence in a sort if manner. It's not like I'm a slave or an indentured servant or any sort like that. It's more like pursuing what makes me happy. What makes me happy and satisfies my imagination is reading and writing. So I am going to step forward in the next direction. I know I can't afford to go cold turkey. I am working on becoming a freelancer in my current field. That should help bring in some money to pay my bills and still be flexible enough to pursue my current goal.
I started on my goal 2 weeks ago. Since I have a published book prior, I have turned my Goodread's account into an author account. Yay!!!! I was so excited. So now besides people reading my blog posts here, they'll be able to read it on Goodreads. This is going to be my platform to advertise to book lovers and to meet other fellow authors. I am so excited about this. I need to thank my collaborators in my Paranormal and Horror Lovers group on Goodreads to let me contribute to their anthology. Without that I couldn't create an author page until I actually finished my book. That would be too late if I want to generate buzz. But let's leave this topic alone for right now. I will revisit it soon.
What does this mean for this blog? Not very much. I am still going to be the same opinionated woman. I will stay true to myself. However, I may stop posting things that will cause horrible backlash. I don't want to be a Rayven Simone and back peddle on my beliefs because I upset a group of people's feelings. If anyone knows me, they know I don't like to apologize. So I will make sure not to do something that would cause me to. I follow the old saying, "if you don't have something positive to say, don't say it at all". I whole hearted believe that. I do get into moods where I vent and say stuff I believe at the moment but later change my opinion. I'm human and a woman so I'm allowed. I will try to refrain from bad behavior here unless I need the controversy.
I will continue to blog on games, life, book reviews and all that I encompass on this blog. Topics I will refrain from (which I believe I have managed to do so far) discussing religion and politics. I particularly hate politics more-so than religion. These are 2 topics that bring out the worse in human behavior.
I will strive to be as positive as possible. This world is filled with so much negativity that I want to contribute to some positivity. To shine some light where there is an abundance of dark.
This is only the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I hope to bring you along on this journey. I do hope you enjoy the ride.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Deadpool | Red Band Trailer [HD] | 20th Century FOX
I have to see this movie!!! I just have to. If anyone knows me, I love me some Deadpool. He's the shit!!!!!! OMG. I'm so fuckin' psyched right now!!!!!!
Friday, July 31, 2015
Review: Video Girl Ai, Vol. 13: Fade Out
Video Girl Ai, Vol. 13: Fade Out by Masakazu KatsuraMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
This review is for Volumes 1 thru 13.
This series is good. Only thing is that the protagonist is so cowardly & indecisive that it's very irritating. I don't find what the girls feel for such a cowardly guy. However, isn't it the very purpose of the video girl to toughen him up a bit. I love all the complications and twists the story has brought. I shed some tears and cracked up. If any book can do this, then it's okay.
You will love Ai. She shows how women are super when it comes to making sure the ones we love are taken care of before we take care of ourselves. She truly was fleshed out well.
I gave the series 3 stars because author could've given more substance to protagonist. The story needed some more 'ommpf'. Overall a good story.
View all my reviews
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
It's All About Dat Ass
So I've been born with an ample sized ass. So has my sister, my mother, most of my family. No matter what side of my family, the asses are ample. It's all in my genes. This is also my ultimate insecurity in life.
In elementary school, I remember walking in the lunch room and some girls snickered at me. One was bold enough to ask me if I stuffed tissue in my panties to make my booty big. That was the first time anyone really brought attention to it. I felt very insecure then. I remember telling my sister about it. She said not to worry about the other girls, they are just jealous. She made me feel better for the time period.
Now bring me to JHS. This by far was the worst period in my whole life. If I was suicidal then, I'd probably not be hear today. I had to take crowded buses to school which gave to anonymous people grabbing my ass. This was a constant issue I had. Also some guys who hung around me would try to accost me so they could get a feel. I also couldn't wear the same jeans all my friends wore because they couldn't fit my ass. At this point I despised my ass. I hated it with such a passion that I told my mom if I could save enough money, could I get a butt reduction. All my ass ever did was bring me was unwanted attention and pain. I wanted it gone.
In HS, I tried my best to try and hide it. I wore extremely baggy pants a lot. I didn't want people to pay attention to it. I refused to change my clothes for gym. I didn't want girls to see my ass in order to tease me. I would put sweatpants over my jeans. I got in trouble a lot with that. I was at one point failing gym because I wouldn't change. As the years progressed in HS, my ass was no longer an issue with the masses. I felt comfortable with my group of friends to be able to change for gym and wear less baggy pants. By senior year of HS I was at an easy truce with my ass.
College and my 20s served to be a back and forth with my ass. I couldn't wear what I desired to wear because my ass was too big. At this point surgery was not on my mind at all as it was in JHS. Dating was hard. It was difficult to know if the guy was dating me for me or to get close to my ass. So much talk over my ass. I kept wishing it would just disappear.
My 30s is much better. I tried not to pay it much attention. In your 30s you start not giving a fuck. I found what fits me best that minimized the look of my ass. Dating was still a pain in the ass. There are just so many frogs out there. Thank God I found my husband who does not make it a point to point out my ass.
Now these past 5 years, with the hypersexualization of women in the media, big asses are so in style. Women are going under the knife to get bigger booties. They are illegally getting silicone injections in their ass to increase the size. Women are literally dying for a big ass. Women with big asses are glorified all over the media: Kim Kardashian (she ain't even close to mine), Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj to name a few. So they guys are looking for women with the big ass now more fervently now than before. This makes me uncomfortable. Just when I feel okay with my ass, someone has to bring it back to attention. I hate having to walk past the hoodrats at block corners without having them watching my ass. This is why I am usually mean mugging. I don't like being catcalled and will not acknowledge anyone who tries to. I don't want to give any of these jackasses any idea that they can even come up to my level to try and talk to me. I don't want my ass attracting the wrong attention now that it is a major spotlight in media. One would think this would make me feel better. It just increases me insecurity.
I have tried so hard to get rid of this insecurity, but it won't budge (like my ass). There are days where I can ignore it and there are days that I am so self conscious about it that it takes me forever to choose an outfit. I don't know if it'll ever go away. It is so ingrained in me. Time will tell. But for those kids who may read this, don't let your peers make you insecure. I succumbed to it and it's a life long battle. Be happy with all that you are given.
In elementary school, I remember walking in the lunch room and some girls snickered at me. One was bold enough to ask me if I stuffed tissue in my panties to make my booty big. That was the first time anyone really brought attention to it. I felt very insecure then. I remember telling my sister about it. She said not to worry about the other girls, they are just jealous. She made me feel better for the time period.
Now bring me to JHS. This by far was the worst period in my whole life. If I was suicidal then, I'd probably not be hear today. I had to take crowded buses to school which gave to anonymous people grabbing my ass. This was a constant issue I had. Also some guys who hung around me would try to accost me so they could get a feel. I also couldn't wear the same jeans all my friends wore because they couldn't fit my ass. At this point I despised my ass. I hated it with such a passion that I told my mom if I could save enough money, could I get a butt reduction. All my ass ever did was bring me was unwanted attention and pain. I wanted it gone.
In HS, I tried my best to try and hide it. I wore extremely baggy pants a lot. I didn't want people to pay attention to it. I refused to change my clothes for gym. I didn't want girls to see my ass in order to tease me. I would put sweatpants over my jeans. I got in trouble a lot with that. I was at one point failing gym because I wouldn't change. As the years progressed in HS, my ass was no longer an issue with the masses. I felt comfortable with my group of friends to be able to change for gym and wear less baggy pants. By senior year of HS I was at an easy truce with my ass.
College and my 20s served to be a back and forth with my ass. I couldn't wear what I desired to wear because my ass was too big. At this point surgery was not on my mind at all as it was in JHS. Dating was hard. It was difficult to know if the guy was dating me for me or to get close to my ass. So much talk over my ass. I kept wishing it would just disappear.
My 30s is much better. I tried not to pay it much attention. In your 30s you start not giving a fuck. I found what fits me best that minimized the look of my ass. Dating was still a pain in the ass. There are just so many frogs out there. Thank God I found my husband who does not make it a point to point out my ass.
Now these past 5 years, with the hypersexualization of women in the media, big asses are so in style. Women are going under the knife to get bigger booties. They are illegally getting silicone injections in their ass to increase the size. Women are literally dying for a big ass. Women with big asses are glorified all over the media: Kim Kardashian (she ain't even close to mine), Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj to name a few. So they guys are looking for women with the big ass now more fervently now than before. This makes me uncomfortable. Just when I feel okay with my ass, someone has to bring it back to attention. I hate having to walk past the hoodrats at block corners without having them watching my ass. This is why I am usually mean mugging. I don't like being catcalled and will not acknowledge anyone who tries to. I don't want to give any of these jackasses any idea that they can even come up to my level to try and talk to me. I don't want my ass attracting the wrong attention now that it is a major spotlight in media. One would think this would make me feel better. It just increases me insecurity.
I have tried so hard to get rid of this insecurity, but it won't budge (like my ass). There are days where I can ignore it and there are days that I am so self conscious about it that it takes me forever to choose an outfit. I don't know if it'll ever go away. It is so ingrained in me. Time will tell. But for those kids who may read this, don't let your peers make you insecure. I succumbed to it and it's a life long battle. Be happy with all that you are given.
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