Church... Do you accept me?

I had a very interesting Sunday. I had a house full of guests. However, as exciting the day was, it brought some aggravation and disappointment. I also find it disappointing when conversations turn to the following:

My sister was discussing her church happenings. Her church is looking for a new paster so they've been inviting ministers to guest preach each Sunday,followed by an interview.That's a bit backwards to me, but I digress. Well she was discussing today's guest minister. Apparently he "seems" gay to her and fellow church mate. This was the start of a whole big discussion, which got me heated. My mother and sister are religious, but they are not of the same denomination. My sister is Baptist and is more vocal about her religion. My mother in nondenominational and she's not vocal but you can tell from her behavior and demeanor that she is. Both my mom and my sister do not believe in homosexuality in the church. They both are quick to say that there's nothing in the bible that approves homosexuality. So I'm going to try to write out this conversation as best as my memory can go.

Sister: so this new minister came today to guest preach and he was sweet

Mom: Sweet?

Sister: yeah, you know (fingers snapping in the formation if a "z") "hey"

Mom: oh you think he's gay

Sister: yeah, so we're not going to grant him an interview

Me: why not?

Sister: we do not believe in homosexuals in the church

Me: you have to interview him period

Sister: why?

Me: that's discrimination if you don't. You must treat him the same way you would treat any other candidates

Sister: (gives me a quizzical look)

Me: yeah? A gay person can't believe in God?

Mom: which God do they believe in?

Nephew (who also attends the church): it's not that. He's just not a leader he needs more experience. He's needs to learn more about being a leader. He's just not ready.

Mom: see that is the proper answer (pointing to my sister) yours was not the correct answer

Me: personally, I don't care. As long as he's doing his job to the fullest, whatever he does in the privacy of his bedroom is no concern to me

Sister: he's not ready to lead and we can't have a gay minister. We don't believe in homosexuality

Me: you don't believe in having them in leadership role or part of the congregation?

Sister & Mom: in a leadership role

Me: you made it sound like all parts of the church

Niece (who also goes to the church): the church is very closed minded, when the youth at the church wants to do something, the elders of the church automatically shuts us down without even hearing us out

Sister: (clarifying) this church is an old church. It's over 50 years old. It was created by southerners

Me: do you have any white people in your congregation?

Sister: no

Niece: we've had a few but they are not regulars.

Me: southerners and old people tend to not be kind to interracial relationships, do you think they would accept Jason and myself?

Sister: I don't know

So this whole conversation made me look at my sister and the church a whole lot differently. My sister says she has no issues with gay people. She works with a lot of them and are really close friends to a lot. My mom also says she has no issues with gay people. I really don't know. I wonder how they both would've reacted if my niece or nephew came out as gay. Would they feel the same?

I remember a few years back, my sister came by and she told me that our cousin came out as a Lesbian. I said ok, a bit disinterested. She was a bit incredulous. She couldn't believe it. She was in shock. I didn't really care. My cousin is my cousin regardless of her sexual preference. I will treat her the same regardless. Nothing of importance has changed.

I believe in treating people as people and not by their sexual preference. Sexuality should not be basis in anything. Hell, it shouldn't even be an issue in the news. All people should be able to do anything they want; marriage, children, whatever. People should fall in love with whomever their heart quickens for. This discrimination will not allow for us to grow as people. It just makes us bitter, uncaring people.

Let us try to be tolerant of everyone. Let's make this world a better place for all to live.

End of 2 Decades. What the Hell Happened? -UPDATED "Due to Drama"

I met Angie in college. Some guy decided to pit us against each other. He was interested in her. I was interested in another guy and I just happened to think her guy was cool. That was about it. We ended up sitting next to each other on a trip and we became great friends. We continued our friendship thru out 20 years. We don't speak often but our friendship never faltered. We all have grown up and have lives that has prevented us from being in constant contact. That's just life. No one has the same leisure time like in college years.

So I'm in New Mexico to see my in-laws and her. I can't come and not see her. So she texts me to call her husband when we get to the New Mexico State Fair.  I did, he came by for a while when we were eating lunch. I gave the man a hug, introduced him to my husband and his family. I asked how was "his daughter" and Angie. He showed us a video of Angie Zip - lining. He started to drill my in-laws about living in Socorro and saying how can they still live there. He left the 1st chance he could get. He only goes back because of family. I thought that was so rude to make someone feel bad about where they live. I like Socorro and don't see anything wrong with the town. He discussed his agency, discussed newspaper articles on the fair and he spoke about who he knows. It felt more like he was selling himself. He didn't need to. It's not like we met for the 1st time. I had a wonderful time sitting and talking with him though. He had to go back to work and we went about our business.

Yesterday afternoon I texted Angie about what time we were goi g to come by. This morning, I woke up to this:

What the Fuck? This came out of left field. My in-laws, my husband nor I was rude to this guy. I have never been accused of something that I have never done like this. If we were so rude, why did he sit with us for so long? This smells fishy. However, I've come to an age that I don't need any drama. I have enough drama at work to last me a life time. If Angie didn't want to see me that was fine. That's all she had to say. My feelings wouldn't have been hurt. Since her husband decided to lie to her and she's going to stand by him, then let her. After all our years of friendship, why would I be rude to her husband. I have respect for her not to. Whatever my feelings were, I'd keep it to myself. So somewhere somehow she lost sight of our friendship. If she wants me to beg for our friendship, she picked the wrong person. I'm just as stubborn as she is. And it's now easy for me to just walk away. And this is what I have done. My last tweet to her was me walking away.

Update due to drama
1. I inadvertently left Angie's # on a picture, I removed it.
2. I removed her daughter's name.
3. I took out our history because I just felt like it now. History now is of no concern to me. I live for the future without her.

Before boarding my plane back home I get a series of texts from Angie about my post. She contacted a lawyer because "I had no right to post anything about her".  Frankly I told her to bring it on since I have a right to speak my truth. There isn't any incriminating facts in my post (except for the inadvertent picture which I have since corrected). It doesn't contain her full legal name, her address nor the full legal name of her child or husband to tie back to her. I have a right to say what I want when I want. At this point, I am leaving my truth of this situation and that's all.

At the end of Angie's texts, she told me to go to hell.

Well Angie I'll see you there.

1 Year Natural

I have gone natural now nearly a year. One of my oldest friend has been natural for couple of years now. However, people forget that I went natural for years when I lived in California. I just never wore it out. Kept it in braids mostly. I was very insecure about how my natural hair looked then.

You grow up and all around you people tell you that your natural hair is ugly, you begin to believe the hype. I would've described my hair as straight off the boat from Africa in my past. My parents both have hair that are mixed with some Spanish hair so it behaves very differently than mine. My brother also has my type of hair. Him, being a boy, cuts it in a short Caesar. I don't like my hair short. Not because of some society rules, but because I have experienced it. Short hair requires more work unless you get a Caesar. I don't like messing with my hair.

So for years I was ashamed of my hair. I constantly had it hidden. I didn't know how to style hair. When I moved back to NY, I fund a perm that was supposedly plant based; phytospecific. My hair took to it really well. It kept my hair straight longer and my edges didn't revert as fast. I tried to style the hair, but I ended up just attempting to put a pony tail in it using pieces. My hair wasn't very long. It didn't grow any longer either. So what I did was just perm my hair then braid it. It was much easier. But it was not healthy. My hair broke more often than not.

I made a deal with myself. I would go natural after I get married. I wanted everything to be perfect for my wedding. I didn't want any curly edges. For my wedding I got this beautiful, soft human hair braids. They lasted thru my wedding great, but it didn't last thru my honeymoon. I came home with 1/4 of the braids intact. The minute I got my hair wet it was a wrap. Hair was falling out as I walked around the resort. It was so embarrassing. When I got home I was a bit miffed. I paid a good penny for the hair and the service and it only lasted 2 1/2 weeks!!!! Issue the decision then that I am spending way too much in getting my hair done. For what?

I was a bit nervous how my husband would react to my natural hair. He said he didn't mind me going natural. He said I am beautiful regardless how I have my hair. So I started to braid my hair more so I could grow out the perm.

When I reached 2 inches of natural hair, I truely saw my hair pattern. It wasn't as bad as I remembered it in the past. It is still a thick as can be and tightly coiled. So I decided to try to wear my hair out naturally. I then started having serious tangling issues with the 2 types of hair on my head. The permed edges tangled so badly that I would lose chunks of hair. The natural hair didn't tangle. I was getting frustrated and turned to friends, mom and the web for help; especially curlynikki.com.

One co-worker suggested a beautician she goes to. I went there and had the courage to just chop off the perm. To me it was a big step because I planned to cut at a length where I can put my hair in a ponytail. I cut it when my hair was 2 inches or so unstretched. Since the chop, my hair does not tangle a lot. It barely does. I would have had to mingle a lot in my hair to get it tangled. I do shed like normal which bothers me. Because the shedding is in tight coils instead of strands. So it's annoying seeing them around or stuck to me husband. At first I thought it was breakage but I had my hair looked at and it's in good health. I keep my hair moisturized.

What I like is that I have a lot of people around me who supports my natural hair journey. People at work are encouraging and will talk about my coils with respect. They don't tease me; calling my hair nappy or the like. Half of the people don't really give a shit. Only person that I will have to conquer is my father. My dad grew up in the glamorous era. He believes in long straight hair. He hasn't seen me natural since I was a kid. He hates braids and dreads too. However, I got him to tolerate braids with the threat of going dread. However, I'm sure he'll adapt.

What I can say about my journey so far is that it is one and I am happy that I am making it. My wallet is equally happy.

Why I stopped following BlogHer on Twitter

I have mixed feelings when it comes to BlogHer. Sometimes I find the site and/or group of women on the site to be extremely rude and snobbish. Sometimes I find them to be very insightful. Sometimes I find them to be all about money. So my outlook on BlogHer was to follow them in Twitter.

I don't have time to sit at my computer to read blog pages and community pages. I rely on Reeder (for blogs), Apps for community pages) and Twitter for everything else. BlogHer tweets require you to click thru to their page to read their posts. I get that, I do it to. Most of my reading is on Reeder like I said, and BlogHer's feed are not full. They only give you a paragraph then you have to click thru to the site. I read solely on the train (no data underground) so I can't read thru. But I do pay attention to the titles on Twitter.

What I notice about their titles are they are based on hot topics that catches attention. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's darn rude. So this brings me to why I'm writing this post. I am sitting here on the train going they Twitter and I see the following tweets from BlogHer:

@BlogHer: Why is #SmartBlackWomenOfTwitter trending? This - > Smartest Women You Should be Following on Twitter http://t.co/XVUH97IwQs -Momo

And

@BlogHer: (And, they're almost ALL WHITE.) The Smartest Women You Should be Following on Twitter http://t.co/XVUH97IwQs -Momo

I took offense of these tweets. Yes I didn't read the article. It may be an uplifting article but the way the tweets are written I find to be a bit "racist". I know they are trying to gather attention so they can get click thru's. I just think this type of attention seeking is just wrong. Why alienate races in the tweet? The tweet pits Black women against White women. Why do that? It just makes online community more defragmented. Isn't BlogHer supposed to bring women together so we can uplift each other? These tweets don't sound so. Do I want to be a part of this community? No. Give me a community where we can all come together for the common good.

I will end this post with the following: No race is smarter than the next. It's all about who wants to apply themselves to learning and bettering themselves.

So long BlogHer, it was an experience.

Spirit of New York

On July 25th, my hubby and I were invited on the Spirit of New York. It a dinner cruise on a yacht that leaves out of Chelsea Piers. A current vendor we use at work, Matthijssen (MBS for short) was thanking their customers. It was a nice gesture.
Only people I knew in the cruise were the people I've met during business meetings with them. One thing I noticed is that my hubby and I are bit socially awkward. We are good with who we know than who we don't. It's just funny how alike we are. I've definitely got my match.
The cruise itself was very nice. The weather wasn't great. It was a very drizzly day. The closer you got to water the chillier it got. We were on water so it was cold; well to me at least. We sat inside to eat for a while. Hubby and I were at a table by ourselves. The food was good. They had a variety that would suit all.
MBS had a raffle for 2 iPads and a Kindle. Of course, with my luck, we didn't win a thing. I got $20 bucks tho. I had a good time. I enjoy being with my husband at events or on vacation. I just feel comfy and at peace. That's a great feeling because I don't feel like that often. It's great to have a person who I can let my hair down with.
The cruise ended at 10:30, so getting home was a bit of a chore. By time we got home we were exhausted. I had to work the next day so I had to rush to bed. All in all this was a great evening.
Thank you Matthijssen.

FML Musings July 31st, 2013

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

If your friends leave because you can't get in the club, then they really aren't your friends.

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

This is why our kids are so rude and violent today. Parents are teaching them the wrong things.

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

Sorry to say, your friend is a douche.

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

This would be the last time he gets a free service from me. He definitely was taking your nice gesture for granted.

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Traumatizing. I'd be so shell shocked. One would think I had PTSD.

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

He's a pervert. He was never really trying to pay you. He wanted sex. You should've called him out or request the money from his wife.

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

How embarrassing. I would've died.

Think Like a Man

So I watched Think Like a Man for the second time. It was on TV and I was trying to multi-task. I saw it in theaters originally. I liked the movie a lot. It was a good adaption from a self help book.

The characters were well put together based on the stereotype role in the book. You have the dreamer, player, mama's boy, single mother, career focused to name some characters. The characters are extreme versions of the role. But let me tell you what struck me this time.

Before my husband, I was the extreme version of "career focused". I didn't want a man at a lower level than me. He had to bring the same to the table. So while I was waiting for "Mr Equal" I was messing with less than. I was solely focused on money and not character. I wasn't putting myself in the environment where I could find them. So in actuality I was not helping myself. I was becoming bitter and crabby that I couldn't find my equal. I was Taraji Henson's character.

I had the definition of Mr Equal wrong. The incorrect definition was:
- a man whose salary was comparible to mine or more
- a man who worked Wall Street or a top bank professional
- a man who can take care of his own without asking me to loan him some money.

There was nothing in that definition about my current version of the New Mr Equal:
- a man who puts me first
- a man who loves me
- a man who will protect me
- a man I have a lot of things in common with
- a man I can be completely myself around
I can keep going on with this definition, but I don't have the room. Don't want you bored off your ass trying to read the long list.

So I gave up on men for a while. To be honest, I really wasn't interested in stuff that Mr Equal would have been interested in. I hate politics and sports. I don't like talking about money. I'm an accountant by trade but I hate reading business stuff. I do it, but don't enjoy it. So what would Mr Equal and I have in common? Nothing. I'd probably be bored and unhappy.

When I met Jason I felt completely at ease. There was no pretense at all. We meshed so well, that people thought we were married. I was 100% myself. He was 100% himself. There wasn't any need to put on airs. We met on friend basis that quickly led to much much more. I would say that my husband is my New Mr Equal. We have so much in common that it's scary. We have 90% the same interests. We have some of the same traits. I found my male equivalent.

Just like at the end of the movie, Taraji and I found our love of our lives.

My advice to those who are looking for their love. Find the guy who completes you. Someone who is your best friend. The guy who you can be yourself with. The one who gives you fireworks in your heart. And remember don't put any false expectations on him. Don't try to change him. He will change on his own in order to make you happy.

Take care...

Quote of the Day 7/24/13

Marvin: One thing I know for sure are women and covert ops
Frank: That's two things, Marvin
Hahn: (to Frank) No, Grasshopper...(shaking his finger)...it's one
- Red 2

Currently in theaters.

Awesome movie. Go see it!!!

FFXIV - BETA Again

I was only able to test FFXIV Beta once this weekend. Time has been flying and I've gotten much busier. However, I was able to play for a minimum of 2 hours. It's not much time. This BETA lasted longer than the others. I missed out greatly.

This run? I decided to finish up quests, take on new quests. I did travel a bit further in the map than I had before. I got new crystal points and learned Teleport. I died probably 4 times trying to finish quests. I didn't take aggro, but the mobs I took on for the quest kicked my butt. I was having difficulty attacking this day. Auto-lock was not working as it should. My hunt log has been filling up. What's great in the game is you don't have to sit and heal. You gain your HP back as you move on to next mob or back to town. You're not quite so vulnerable like in FFXI.

I bought some new gear because a quest required me to. Also, I learned how to check your messages. I had 2 messages that I couldn't for the life of me find how to read them. There's a moogle in town that allows you to. In FFXI, you had to go thru PlayOnline viewer to read your messages. I also haven't found how to take screen shots. So I take the pics with my phone. I only took one glamor photo this run. I like my character. She's pretty.




Next time.

Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn - BETA

So I had an opportunity to beta test the new Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn (FFXIV), this & last weekend. I had played the original FFXIV for a very short time. Both games are a MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role playing game). This type of game allows you to play with people around the world to accomplish tasks within the game. Since it's social, you get to meet people and have fun. You also encounter the hardcore gamers who are all about hardcore gaming; only seeking folks like themselves. 

The original FFXIV startup was very displeasing. You are thrust into battle without knowing what the hell was going on and had to keep two in-game characters alive. I started that game twice. This new version is completely different. The opening story is different. You can suffice it to say, this new one is a completely new story and game.

What I liked:
1. Like all the FF games, I love the graphics. Square Enix make kick ass graphics.
2. Scenery is beautiful. The world is beautiful.
3. The game seems like it is built for both the casual gamer and the hardcore gamer. You can play alone too. From what I tested, it doesn't have to be a time sink.
4. Quests now give experience points.
5. Quest people have tells. Map on the screen. Some of the same functions from FFXI carries thru to this game. All this makes the game a bit smoother.

What I didn't like:
1. So far nothing.

The characters from the game are similar to FFXI. There are Hyur (humans), Elezen (elvaans), Roegadyn (galkas and has a female version), Miqo'te (Mithras and has a male version) and the cute little Lalafell (Tarutaru). 

In FFXI, I was Elvaan. In XIV I chose to be a Mithra. I hope the normal assumption in XI that Mithra girls are really guys do not apply. Hopefully guys will pick the male version. 



Gameplay is pretty easy with onscreen assistance. I don't know if they will be on in the final version of the game. They may be just for the beta so people know what to do. There a lot of stuff on the screen too. The macros of old are now on the bottom of the screen too. 

My husband and I are thinking of maybe joining the game when it's full time. I'm also hoping I get to keep my character from all the betas to the live game. 

If you are looking for me in the future, I'll be on the Cactuar server. Most people know me as Tigerkirara on XI. My name is Tigerkirara Junkie on XIV. This goes to show that I'm married to the guy who's surname on is also Junkie. 


I used to have a blog dedicated to my adventuring in FFXI, but I don't think I will for XIV. I'll probably post them here on this blog. This blog us all about gaming & technology. Just look for the tag, FFXIV for all posts related to the game.  Until next time.