WTF!!! - DAN GASBY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE KILLED B SMITH #RIP

So I am a reader of Beyond Black & White. Husband and I did an interview with them. They didn't post my interview tho, but that's another thing.  So this morning I read one of their articles and it totally pissed me off.  The article is here. 

This was my comment. 


Ok. I just want to say that please do not promote ignorance. I am a caretaker of a person with Alzheimers and have another relative with the disease. Most people who are not educated in the disease and only speak on heresay should not further the assumptions and misinformation on the disease. It may look bad that Dan brought GF into the house. Do you know what he was going thru? Is he to be celibate for the rest of his life. He was still being B's caregiver all thru this. He could've left her at the beginning of her disease. He didn't. He proceeded to take care of her thru all of this and even with the GF. So why berate him for this. If he tried to sleep with his wife he would be charged with abuse and thrown in jail and you guys would still berate the man for taking advantage of B. He can't win with you. GF probably helped him care for B. It is not an easy disease for 1 person to handle by themselves. You need someone to support you too. Who was there to support Dan? It is much harder on the caregiver than the love one. Was he to suffer alone? B at the time he moved GF was already gone. All that was left was a shell. She has no idea who Dan was. All she knows is that he's the person who feeds, bathes, gives medicine and changes her diaper every day. The B everyone loved was no longer there. This article totally pissed me off and I love this site. Please do research and don't promote ignorance. Some portions of this article was insightful, but it was all ruined to ignorance. DO BETTER!!!!!!

Kinky Hair

I follow the this blog/site called Beyond Black & White. It is a site that is supposed to be a community for inter-racial couples and/or informational about these type of relationships.  I stumbled upon this site probably a year or 2 after marrying my husband. So, I never received any advice from this site or any site. My marriage came naturally and some what different from the norm. However, this is not what I want to discuss.

This morning I happened to read a new post (which was posted a while ago as I don’t keep up with my Reeder too often) about whether or not White men find Black women’s natural hair attractive. You can find this article here.  I just wanted to touch base on this as to my experience on this.

As you know, or will learn, that the Black community frowns upon natural hair (Image is getting better now that it is being featured in advertising, etc). Your hair must always be straightened. We went thru so many fads and ways to keep our hair straight; perms, hot presses, relaxers, texturizers, taking an iron to the head. I, of course, tried multiple ways. At some point I stopped keeping my hair out and dealing with it. I am so not a hair person. So I would perm my hair with a veggie based perm and them go put mini braids with human hair. That was my easy go to. I was able to do what I want, which was put my hair into a ponytail and move on. Why did I perm it at all? I was ashamed of my very kinky edges and hair. I was teased about them mercilessly at a young impressionable age. My edges are stubborn and will still curl within 2 weeks of a perm. I spent so much money in my life getting my hair done. I’ve dated and been in relationships with my hair this way. Not one of my boyfriends or friends seen my hair out, except my BFF.

I met my husband while wearing my hair in braids. We had a fun and fast romance that still lasts until today (married 6 yrs +, together 8 yrs +). Initially when he moved in with me, I never thought about my hair until it was time for me to take down my braids. Like I said  before, not one boyfriend had seen my hair outside of braids. I was soooo nervous. I thought of setting him up in a hotel for 4 days while I take down my hair and get it done. I did discuss it with him that I had to take it down and was nervous to do it in front of him. He laughed and said that I shouldn’t be nervous. He wanted to see my natural hair. So I bravely took my hair down and he loved it.  I didn’t have anything to worry about. However, it took me until we were married to go natural for the second time in my life. He loved my hair then too. It is curlier than when I took out my permed hair in braids. I have very resilient 4c hair.

With being natural and taking care of my own hair my husband loved helping me take care of it. He loved to wash my hair. There is nothing more erotic than your husband washing your hair. He is one sexy man and he’s all mine. I digress. Last year Oct, I decided to loc my hair; meaning growing dreads. I discussed it with my hubby. He said go for it. At that and this point if life, my time is getting hectic and do not have time to play in my hair too much, so locking my hair was an easy solution. My hair is actually growing faster locked than out natural. It grows like weeds. My hubby now says my hair is a lot more fun now. Here's a picture of  one of my hairstyles. 

So, my Black women, do not let the Black Community dictate what they “assume” White men like. I am sure there are White guys who rather have there women with straight hair. However, if he loves you, he’ll love your hair anyway you have it. Just like the author of the blog post mention above, my hair never disabled me from mixing with any crowd. As long as your hair up-kept and looking well you will not have a problem. Rocking an Afro, locks, as long as it’s not messy. Not matter of race, if your is not done and messy, no one will take you seriously.  Be yourself and love your hair. If you do, so will your significant other.

Old or Different Writings

I have a total of 3 blogs. This one and 2 others that I don't post to anymore. The other 2 are strict gaming blogs.

If you are interested in reading them they are as follows.

Tigerkirara - FFXI

Tiger Kaosu - FFXIV

My New Hobby

Whenever I am stressed I like to work on intricate things. For years it was beading; the more stressed I was the more complicated the design. Then I would absorb myself in manga too. As of late, I found Nanoblocks; it's like Lego, but waaaaayyyy smaller. It is so much fun. They come in packs based on a specific design. It also comes with a build manual. So much fun. Here are some pictures of what I have done so far.




Deadpool


Hello Kitty


Charmander


Bulbasaur


Eevee



Gengar


Unicorn


Mewtwo


Japanese Shrine


Dragon


Kyoto Street


Mario


Wolverine


Magneto


Cyclops

Karma's a Bitch, But DAMN!!!!

At my last job, I hired an accountant to be my right hand person; let's call the accountant, Libby. I'd hired someone before her who was a total bust. So I finally get her. Then when we brought her in, she said she was pregnant. We were okay with it. She left on maternity leave and came back. All was well except personality issues with another coworker in my dept. That is acceptable as long as they get their work is done on time. I can't control people's chemistry but I can control whether they have a job or not. It's all about being professional. There were plenty of people who I didn't like at my job but I kept it professional and kept it moving.

After I left the job, I found out that Libby was bad mouthing me and saying I didn't know what I was doing. So I just removed her from working and social channels. I heard so many stories of what was going down. I chose to stay out of it. I had moved on. Until one day that I get a phone call from another former coworker who tells me a story that was unbelievable. Let's call former coworker, SoSo.

SoSo proceeds to tell me that Libby has been using corporate card and spent $12k (12,000.00) in personal purchases. But that's not all, she apparently paid herself twice thru the payroll system. But in all, she had another of my former employee in a bind where she had to leave because she was the one who brought it to CFOs attention.

This couldn't be right. It is unbelievable. So I decided to contact the former employee. She confessed the same story. She was in shambles. She says how Libby ruined her life. She was comfortable there and had a great career there. Now she's at a sucky job because of Libby. Libby was fired of course.

Eventually, I moved on from this drama until yesterday. I contacted an old coworker for some information on a vendor she used. Then she forwarded me an article about Libby. In the article, it says that Libby is charged with Grand Larceny and her trial date is set for June 1st.

This is where I am dumbfounded. I really didn't think my former company would press charges. A previous employee had stole stuff but didn't get charged. So them pressing charges on Libby is a shock. Next thing tho, she just ruined her whole entire life for $15k. She had a fiancé who makes a ton of money and a son. They just bought a house together. She is fucked in every way. If she doesn't get jail time and just probation, she will not work in accounting ever again. If she gets jail time, her son will suffer missing his mom and she still never work as an accountant for the rest of her life. If she gets off, she still will never work as an accountant for the rest of her life. Anyone can Google her name and find 2 articles on this issue. One article is in an accounting journal. She is so screwed because any job she applies for that does any search on her will see the articles and court records. It's going to be so hard for her to find a job. It's already hard for so many people and she added a strike against her name.

Now I can see if she was struggling for cash and she used the cards to buy food or stuff to live on. No she spent it on designer goods; Michele watches, $1,400 coats and bags. This is all superficial bullshit. If she wasn't happy with her salary, discuss with supervisors or find a new job. Never steal.

She is 29 years old. She has so many years in front of her that is now ruined. She stunted her career before it really got going. That is what I am more upset about too. It's just a waste of a life.

Well I always say karma's a bitch, but damn, I never thought she can be so cold hearted. People, please remember, what evil you put out, it will come back to you. So put positivity out there.

Some Random Thoughts

It's been a while since I wrote. Life is trying to throw my curve balls and I am trying to hit home runs out of them. I really have been lost for words at what to write. I can vent all that is bothering me, but I just don't want to make this blog into a venting blog. I want this blog to be about me and my writing.

I can rant about how there are so many stupid people in the US who ate voting for that idiot Trump. None of the other candidates are great either. No matter whom is chosen, it will be awful. The way the politics are going, we are regressing and not progressing. I can go on and on but I won't. I am trying to enjoy what time I have left in this world (hopefully another 50 years or more).

I can cast self doubt on myself by comparing myself to all who grew up with me. None of them are millionaires but they are successful in their own right. I feel like I chose a bad path. But the path I'm on brought me happiness; my husband. I just feel like I started too late. My friends have at least on child and maximum 4. Married for years. Careers established. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels inna dead end job right now. I don't even feel this is the best place for my career. My job is a post all by itself so I don't want to capitalize on it here. It sucks and that's all I'm going to say. I can just wash away these doubts and stay head fast in making my situation better. That's what I am doing.

I can complain about the state of human interaction nowadays. People today are evil. They put on anonymous airs and continue to trash one another on social media. Men are treating women like objects. Women now find it better to be superficial and fake. Everyone wants to be a trash talking ghetto woman found on shows like Love & Hip Hop, Housewives of (choose any city) or stupid shows like that capitalize on making women look like idiots. Men find it easy to sleep and impregnate and leave their women and then go bash them on social media. Whatever happened to moving on to next without having to bash your past? People today do not respect each other. I know this is not for all people out there, but there is enough of this shit going around. I am glad I'm not single. I am happy I found the best husband. He makes me very happy.

I can worry about how fast time is going by. I was planning to be published way before now. However, I don't have the luxury right now to sit and do it. I have so many things to take care of. I still have to our 2015 taxes. I have a client project to work on (need steady income). I also have to fix my house but din't have the cash to do so. I just want to say 'fuck it' and just disappear at times. There are just to many things to do and so little time. With this stress, I am having a creative block. Even my dreams are not epic as they were. I really enjoyed my dreams. Now they are kind of bland. I think I may need to get away. I need a vacation.

What I really would like to write is how excited I am about the Marvel movies coming out this year. Marvel is doing it up right. I am excited for hubby and I's anniversary trip to the Poconos. I am also excited for all of our mini trips and activities planned for the rest of the year. I look forward to some down time in the future. A dream of mine is to live in a house on the beach without the issues that come with it. A woman can dream.

Until next time.....

Death In The Family: Part Tres

This past weekend we went to my cousin M's funeral. He was 1 year older than me. Makes me think about my life. This my 3rd, 1st cousin to pass away. None of my aunts or uncles have passed but my generation is dying off. It is heartbreaking.

As you know funerals tend to be family gatherings. We tend to see relatives we normally don't see. Four out of my mom's 6 siblings came and some of their children. Like all family gatherings there's going to be drama. I expected drama. This was also a chance to introduce hubby to my mom's side of the family. He only met one cousin and one Aunt.

The drama for me was brought on by my Uncle. I haven't seen him since my cousin A's funeral. At A's funeral my Uncle had a tizzy about how the 2nd and 3rd cousins don't respect him and such. To be honest, a good chunk of the 2nd and 3rd cousins didn't even know who he was. It's not like he was around for them to get to know him. At M's funeral. I was talking to my cousin Md, introducing hubby to her and giving her our condolences. I saw my Uncle. So here how things unfolded.

Me: Hey Uncle D
Uncle D: You have an uncle?
I hug him.
Uncle D: Now, you have an uncle?
Me: Well I tried to keep in touch with you but you never responded.
Uncle D: Really
Me: I emailed you. That's the only contact info I have for you.
Uncle D: (flailing his arms) I don't do no technology crap.
Me: so how about we exchange info at end of the funeral. (Pulling my hubby close) By the way, let me introduce you to my husband.
They shook hands cordially and my uncle ran off. I didn't even see him at the end of the funeral. We did not go to the Repass (where food is served and you get to socialize) afterward.

All this happened within earshot of my mother, brother and husband. It truly irritated the shit out of me after the funeral. He was so rude and the misery coming off of his words was palpable. He was not joking or being sarcastic. My mom mentioned in car ride home that he was was mad that he didn't get invited to my wedding. None of my aunts and uncles were invited to my wedding (both sides of my family). If that was the true reason, he needs to get over it. I, however, don't think that's the case. I don't even want to bother with him any longer. He is there in title only and not relationship. I don't know I let this bother me so much to write this, but it did.

Later that night my hubby asked if my Uncle was just being sarcastic when he was talking to me. I said nope he was being rude. He was a bit shocked at the behavior. That's just my family's behavior. This drama didn't make a solemn situation any better.

Everyone's family is far from perfect. It's how you deal with them that makes you who you are.

So folks I just want to end this rant with some positivity. Treat those around you as you want to be treated. And live your life as happily and freely as you wish because you are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Under The Knife

  In previous post I mentioned that I was supposed to have surgery. At the end of January I finally went        

  and had it. The procedure I had is called "abdominal myomectomy". 

   "...abdominal myomectomy is a major surgical procedure. It involves making an incision through   

   the skin on the lower abdomen, known as a "bikini cut," and removing the fibroids from the wall of 

   the uterus.

Myomectomy | Conditions & Treatments | UCSF Medical Center

https://www.ucsfhealth.org › treatments"




"Fibroids are abnormal growths that develop in or on a woman’s uterus. Sometimes, these tumors become quite large and cause severe abdominal pain and heavy periods. In other cases, they cause no signs or symptoms at all. The growths are typically benign (noncancerous). The cause of fibroids is unknown.

Fibroids

Written by Brindles Lee Macon & Winnie Yu
Medically Reviewed by Mark R. Laflamme, M.D. on December 11, 2015

http://www.healthline.com"







This was my first major surgery in my life. It originally felt like I was hit by a truck. I really envy mothers who've had caesarians and had to take care of their baby almost immediately. Mothers I salute you. 




"Caesarean section, also commonly known as C-section and other spellings, is a surgical procedure in which one or more incisions are made through a mother's abdomen and uterus to deliver one or more babies.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesarean_section"




I've had fibroids for a while but they never really bothered me too much. It was more of an extra pressure when my hubby laid his arm on my abdomin or an annoyance when exercising. They however increased in size and I believed I gained a lot of weight. I found that they were quite large at ending of 2014 and I was contemplating what to do. They really weren't bothering me too much. My period wasn't irregular at all. 




By the summer of 2015, it all changed. My period after so long became irregular and unmanageable. I would have to wear 2 overnight pads in the day time and change them every hour to hour and a half. I never had to deal with this before and it was quite frustrating. The first time it happened I thought it was a fluke, but it continued each month. That was it. I had to take care of this matter. I couldn't keep this type of period up. Now it was a matter of timing. 




So I had to work this out with work. I originally wanted to take of this the week before Christmas, but it ended up a month later. So Jan 29th was the date.




Now my thoughts about my leave. I had many of them:

   1. I can finish up my novel

   2. I can catch up with my finances

   3. I can organize my house

   4. I can work on my client's work.

However, this healing process is something else. For first 2 weeks, my attention span was minimal. I slept a lot and could only do things didn't require brain power. It's now in my 3rd week. My concentration level has improved. Hence I am writing this post, lol. I have started point #2 but my creative side hasn't returned yet so point #1 is a no go. 




I start back to work tomorrow, part time. I can't do full days yet. I am supposed to go to office in March. It is daunting because stairs is a kicker for me. I need to sit down after I climb or descend. Hopefully I'll be much better by then. 




Now, let me tell you this recuperating period is not easy for the stubborn and independent. You need help. You also need to learn to ask for help. And you must accept help. This has been an internal struggle this whole time. Hopefully, going forward, it will not be an issue. I will have learned from this experience. I am also going to be in this position again if/when I have a baby. My doctor says I will have to have a caesarian section to deliver a baby. Only time will tell what will happen. I do plan to live healthily as possible. 




If you want to learn more about my condition, you can discuss with your ob/gyn or you can google them. This is a fairly common issue. 




Until next time....

Long Overdue Old Year Wrap Up

I haven't posted in awhile. I'm sorry. I have have been wrapped in a fog of funk. I've just started coming out of it. So I decided to write my 2015 recap. 2015 had been a crappy year. There were some good times too. So I'm deciding how I should present this recap; should list by topic, pros and cons or just ramble on. I think I'll go by pros and cons, more like cons then pros.

Cons:

1. Work this year has been horrible. It is not as bad as my previous job. This one is so easy right now. But it's stress comes in different forms. One form is a CEO who does not seem to understand what it takes to run a company. It's very annoying when you learn someone who's been a CEO and CFO at other major companies have no idea of accounting. I mean, come on. The other is that the business model works but it doesn't really. There are so many reasons why it's not. The concept works but execution is sloppy. We have wrong demographics and horrible marketing. Subliminal sales do not make a company grow. Mr Wonderful would say this is a hobby, lol.

This has been a struggle all year which puts a damper on everything throughout last year. Couldn't accomplish what I wanted this year because of this job. Hence my fog of funk.


2. I have to have surgery. It's a bit stressful especially never really having major surgery before. I try not to show my stress, but it's there. I'm mostly aprehensive of the scar after surgery and getting a catheter during surgery. I will probably be depressed about it because I'll feel damaged. It took me a month getting over a root canal.

3. I didn't get a chance to publish my book. I haven't even been able to sit down to write and edit. I was hoping to do so before end of 2015. My mind has been clouded and my inspiration to write was extremely minimal. Being in a funk saps inspiration and creativity.

Pros:

1. My husband has been my rock this year and always, but this year truly. I look forward to more years of him being my rock.

2. Getting Author page on Goodreads. I discussed this in lenghth in a previous post.

3. My family is healthy and strong. I can't ask for anything more for them.

So for the better part of the year end and new year, I've been absorbing myself into reading a lot of manga. If you are on my Goodreads, you'd see a ton of manga being read. It helps me get out of reality and my funk. I really need to get out of it.

I am hoping this year will be better. It is starting off rough. Maybe it'll get much better. I hope to post a more positive post sooner.

Happy New Year 2016

May 2016 bring you joy and prosperity.

This is for the Healers

For all my peeps who play a MMO. Especially a healer, this picture is for you.






I can't help laugh everytime I see this.

Reading is So Much Fun

Lately I've been in a reading frenzy. My Goodreads account can attest to that. I still have a ton of books to add to my read folders. I used to be the woman on the train nose into a book. Now I have my nose in front of an iPad mini.

When Amazon came out with the Kindle, I was not enthused. Who would really want to read on a device? Carrying a book was so much better. You couldn't convince me otherwise. I'm known to be stubborn. Then at a point I stopped wearing these oversized pocketbooks (purses to some). They were heavy and starting to hurt my shoulder. I would carry everything including the kitchen sink in there; purse (to some, wallet), book, iPad, iPhone, umbrella, lotion, etc (you get the picture). So I moved to Amazon Kindle App. Why use iBooks? I can transfer my purchases to any device that has it available. Yay, for practicality. It is my husband who convinced me to use iBooks. So now I am entangled in Apples ecosystem. They have me hooked for life.

Anyway, I like to read a variety of genres, but my Goodreads will show that I read a lot Manga. Manga is essentially Japanese comics. I particularly like the Shojo (focused for women readers), slice of life and some Shonen (focused for men). It really all depends on the story. I am not limited to just manga either. They are in more of an abundance between releases from favorite authors.

I love Catherine Coulters FBI series and Brit in FBI series. Please don't get her confused with Ann Coulter. I don't know if they are related, but Ann is a racist jackass (sorry for the language). I'm all for conservatives and what have you. Just don't be a racist jackass and you'd get a better reaction from me. I got off course a bit. The last book I read just came out in September and I finished it within a week. It was called End Game. It was soooo good. I was in serious withdrawal. I have to wait until next year for the next book, very sad face here. Catherine, if you read this, please write faster. I need my Nicholas fix.

Reading is a great hobby. You get brought into a whole new world where the impossible can happen. I love to use my imagination as I read. I have such rich views on what the author is telling in his/her story. I get very disappointed when a book ends too. I go thru some stages of grief. Then I imagine a continuation in my head. Or I imagine how the characters would fit into reality.

I hope I give my readers the same feel when they read one of my books. It would be awesome to have the following some others have but it is a dream. New authors rarely get that great a following unless they tap just the right set of people. I will do my best to try. I would love to be a full time writer and reader. I'd be in hog heaven. But I'd miss my husband, family and friends.

Anyway, this is my nonsensical post for the day. Stay tuned. I will introduce you to Meli. She is dying to meet you.

C.C. Hartley's in the House

The name I'm using as an author is C.C. Hartley. It is a shortened version of my name. It is way too long to put on a book cover, I must say. The name also has a wonderful sound to it.

At first, I didn't really like it. I was never going to use my real name. Then I thought differently. Why hide behind a pen name that makes me anonymous? I should be proud to be seen as an author. Now, if I venture into the erotic (XXX) novels, well.... maybe then I'd use a pen name. I don't want people in my corporate life to treat me differently. Wouldn't want to lose clients.

So what's behind a pen name? Don't we all use it daily in our lives? We make up user names for Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest etc. Why are we afraid of using our real names? Some of us do, because we want to troll others, harass others or want to say lewd or derogatory statements online without being identified. Then there are those of us us, who are normal upright people, who use them for good and are based on things that hold meaning. My user name (I keep the same name where ever I go) is my favorite animal. I love Tigers. White ones more-so because they are more rare. I think tigers are my soul animal. Unfortunately, my Chinese zodiac puts me under "Rabbit". I am so not a rabbit.

This post was about introducing you to my almost complete novel and it turned out as a discussion of pen names. Boy, I am so easily distracted. I could've just deleted above paragraphs and start again but why should I? It's me. Love me or hate me, but I'm always going to be me. So let me continue with my post.

My novel is about to be finished. I just have make it pretty (put in more descriptives), have it edited and then find an artist to illustrate my cover. This particular story is a start of a series. This character has been in my head for nearly 20 years. She needed to be born. It's a paranormal fiction. I would place it in fiction, but since it has paranormal creatures it's going to be placed under horror.

The only thing that is giving me a block is a title for the novel. I've never been good with naming and such. I struggle for titles for blog posts. I want the title to grab people. I don't necessarily want it to be obvious that it's a series either. Maybe I should hold a contest to make a title, lol.

What is the book about? I would love to answer this question, but I'm trying to learn the knack of not relaying too much info and keep you interested in reading the whole book. What I can say is that it has vampires and witches (variety of types). It does have a little romance in it, but it's not the main focus. In a future post I will post introductions to the protagonist and antagonist. I am looking forward to seeing how people react to my introductions.

What sets my novel apart from others? Other authors have created their own myths behind vampires. My mythology is more biological mixed with magic. Other vampires are either lusty or evil. My vampires are sexy yes, but they are not inherently evil. They are more humanized. Just like humans, what they go thru in life is what makes their personality what it is. They just don't switch personalities when they are turned (over even if they weren't). My vampires don't glitter, glow or shine. There is only one distinct feature that sets them apart from humans. I will let you learn about that when you read my story.

I was hoping to have this novel published at the end of this month but this is not realistic. Maybe end of November. I also need to work on my website too. So much to do and so little time.

Ta ta for now.

Times Are A Changin'.....

It's been a while since I last posted. There have been a lot going on; some good, some bad and some in between. Today is not to inundate you with all that's on my mind, it's to tell you about some changes. I will inundate you later. There is a lot to be said.

I have been contemplating what to do with my life now that I have the liberty to do so. So I decided to pursue my independence in a sort if manner. It's not like I'm a slave or an indentured servant or any sort like that. It's more like pursuing what makes me happy. What makes me happy and satisfies my imagination is reading and writing. So I am going to step forward in the next direction. I know I can't afford to go cold turkey. I am working on becoming a freelancer in my current field. That should help bring in some money to pay my bills and still be flexible enough to pursue my current goal.

I started on my goal 2 weeks ago. Since I have a published book prior, I have turned my Goodread's account into an author account. Yay!!!! I was so excited. So now besides people reading my blog posts here, they'll be able to read it on Goodreads. This is going to be my platform to advertise to book lovers and to meet other fellow authors. I am so excited about this. I need to thank my collaborators in my Paranormal and Horror Lovers group on Goodreads to let me contribute to their anthology. Without that I couldn't create an author page until I actually finished my book. That would be too late if I want to generate buzz. But let's leave this topic alone for right now. I will revisit it soon.

What does this mean for this blog? Not very much. I am still going to be the same opinionated woman. I will stay true to myself. However, I may stop posting things that will cause horrible backlash. I don't want to be a Rayven Simone and back peddle on my beliefs because I upset a group of people's feelings. If anyone knows me, they know I don't like to apologize. So I will make sure not to do something that would cause me to. I follow the old saying, "if you don't have something positive to say, don't say it at all". I whole hearted believe that. I do get into moods where I vent and say stuff I believe at the moment but later change my opinion. I'm human and a woman so I'm allowed. I will try to refrain from bad behavior here unless I need the controversy.

I will continue to blog on games, life, book reviews and all that I encompass on this blog. Topics I will refrain from (which I believe I have managed to do so far) discussing religion and politics. I particularly hate politics more-so than religion. These are 2 topics that bring out the worse in human behavior.

I will strive to be as positive as possible. This world is filled with so much negativity that I want to contribute to some positivity. To shine some light where there is an abundance of dark.

This is only the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I hope to bring you along on this journey. I do hope you enjoy the ride.

It's All About Dat Ass

So I've been born with an ample sized ass. So has my sister, my mother, most of my family. No matter what side of my family, the asses are ample. It's all in my genes. This is also my ultimate insecurity in life.

In elementary school, I remember walking in the lunch room and some girls snickered at me. One was bold enough to ask me if I stuffed tissue in my panties to make my booty big. That was the first time anyone really brought attention to it. I felt very insecure then. I remember telling my sister about it. She said not to worry about the other girls, they are just jealous. She made me feel better for the time period.

Now bring me to JHS. This by far was the worst period in my whole life. If I was suicidal then, I'd probably not be hear today. I had to take crowded buses to school which gave to anonymous people grabbing my ass. This was a constant issue I had. Also some guys who hung around me would try to accost me so they could get a feel. I also couldn't wear the same jeans all my friends wore because they couldn't fit my ass. At this point I despised my ass. I hated it with such a passion that I told my mom if I could save enough money, could I get a butt reduction. All my ass ever did was bring me was unwanted attention and pain. I wanted it gone.

In HS, I tried my best to try and hide it. I wore extremely baggy pants a lot. I didn't want people to pay attention to it. I refused to change my clothes for gym. I didn't want girls to see my ass in order to tease me. I would put sweatpants over my jeans. I got in trouble a lot with that. I was at one point failing gym because I wouldn't change. As the years progressed in HS, my ass was no longer an issue with the masses. I felt comfortable with my group of friends to be able to change for gym and wear less baggy pants. By senior year of HS I was at an easy truce with my ass.

College and my 20s served to be a back and forth with my ass. I couldn't wear what I desired to wear because my ass was too big. At this point surgery was not on my mind at all as it was in JHS. Dating was hard. It was difficult to know if the guy was dating me for me or to get close to my ass. So much talk over my ass. I kept wishing it would just disappear.

My 30s is much better. I tried not to pay it much attention. In your 30s you start not giving a fuck. I found what fits me best that minimized the look of my ass. Dating was still a pain in the ass. There are just so many frogs out there. Thank God I found my husband who does not make it a point to point out my ass.

Now these past 5 years, with the hypersexualization of women in the media, big asses are so in style. Women are going under the knife to get bigger booties. They are illegally getting silicone injections in their ass to increase the size. Women are literally dying for a big ass. Women with big asses are glorified all over the media: Kim Kardashian (she ain't even close to mine), Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj to name a few. So they guys are looking for women with the big ass now more fervently now than before. This makes me uncomfortable. Just when I feel okay with my ass, someone has to bring it back to attention. I hate having to walk past the hoodrats at block corners without having them watching my ass. This is why I am usually mean mugging. I don't like being catcalled and will not acknowledge anyone who tries to. I don't want to give any of these jackasses any idea that they can even come up to my level to try and talk to me. I don't want my ass attracting the wrong attention now that it is a major spotlight in media. One would think this would make me feel better. It just increases me insecurity.

I have tried so hard to get rid of this insecurity, but it won't budge (like my ass). There are days where I can ignore it and there are days that I am so self conscious about it that it takes me forever to choose an outfit. I don't know if it'll ever go away. It is so ingrained in me. Time will tell. But for those kids who may read this, don't let your peers make you insecure. I succumbed to it and it's a life long battle. Be happy with all that you are given.

Welcome to 2015

Happy New Year!!!

2015 is a year for change and status quo for this blog.

Let's start with the changes I've made today and going forward. In the past couple years I maintained a separate blog for gaming and app reviews called Tigerkirara's Page For Gaming & App Review (page is now gone). I slowed down on posting on both blogs. So I decided to combine it into this blog. Why? With my minimal time it's hard to maintain both as well as my third blog for the MMO I'm playing.

So if you look at my topic list, you'll see 'Gaming' and 'Apps' listed. That way you can view those posts directly. I already have book reviews, I may as well just add these to my growing list of topics.

What I'm keeping status quo is that my blog has multiple topics. I don't like being pigeon-held to one type of topic. My blognis not an expert blog. It's a general blog. It's my feelings at tumes, my thoughts, my interests, my life. I am not one dimensional so my blog should reflect me. This blog is not for my business. I'm not trying to make money out of it.

Maybe some of my posts interests you, makes you laugh is good enough for me. I don't really gossip on here about celebrites either. There's way too many blogs out there for that. So my little world here is nice a cozy.

However, if you have suggestions, don't hesitate to leavd them in comments. Hopefully you will enjoy yourself here.

So stick around, 2015 is going to be a big year for all of us. Let's start our adventures together.

Fashion For Action

Today my husband invited me to a charity event that his company sponsored: Fashion for Action by Housing Works. 

It was an evening to buy designer clothes 70% off retail value, silent auctions and some dining. It was an excellent party. We got in for the early admission. So we drank a little then went to shop. All proceeds goes to help fight for a cure to HIV/AIDS. It's not too often that I get an invitation to such an event. 

We picked up some accessories at the show. I wanted a pair of Diane von Furstenberg shoes but it was still costly based on how much I would wear the shoes. I ended up buying a Betsy Johnson watch and a Christmas present for my mom. 

Hubby got a bag and some designer chonies (underwear for us North Easters). When we were done, we went back to the party. That's when the action started.  I walked up to Jason's co-workers and they are having a heated discussion about whether someone was a girl or a guy. They decided to ask me to make the decision. I turn to see who they are talking about. To my pleasurable surprise, it was Isis from America's Next Top Model. She was my favorite from that season. I think she was sabotaged. She should have made it to the end. I got to take a picture with her. 

She was so pretty. Excited!!! Then the group went to take group pictures at the photo booth. After goofing around, who do I spot? None other than Miss J from America's Next Top Model. I love him. He was great! I got to take a picture with him too!!! 

I LOVE this man. He is fierce no matter what he does. I am like so star strucked tonight. I'm literally in heaven. He even gave my hubby pucture taking tips. He is a lot taller than I imagined him to be. Love Love Love. 

The night was not even done with surprises: 

Bottom guy is John Varvatos, next up is Zach Posen and The very top is Betty Smith. She's going to be on Fashion Queens on Bravo. Not a great picture because I didn't have room to go any further. There was also a runway show down those stairs. Fun Fun Fun!

It was a magical night. I must thank my hubby and his company Matthijssen Business Systems NYC for the invite. Without them, this wonderful night wouldn't have happened. 

Now let me see if I can fall asleep!!! Good night!!! 

To Be or Not

I recently been following a blog called Beyond Black & White. It is supposed to be a site for like minded people to gather to find kinship with interracial relationships. I do like the site. I just RSS their blog. I don't really go to the site itself. I do most of my reading in the subway. No reception there. Anyway, I digress. I found this site thru a friend's Facebook page after I got married. Some of the ideas I've read to date I find conflicting. I also don't like labeling interracial relationships as "swirling". Why can't it just be called a "relationship"? By naming it something different doesn't make it seem like it's something out of the norm? Something that is not allowed? We are in the 21st century now. Yes I know there's still rampant racism going on. I don't consider my relationship with my husband swirling. Hell, I didn't even know there was a movement. We were just 2 like-minded people who met, fell in love and got married. I barely notice his skin color. He barely notices mine. I just see Jason and he just sees Colette. Let me give you an idea of how I grew up.

I'm a product of a 2 children who has 2 sets of interracial parents. My grandfather on my dad's side is a Sephardic Jew from Spain and my grandmother on my mother's side is from Cuba. However, if you look at any of us, all you'll see is Black. I grew up on a diverse block in Brooklyn. My neighbor to my right was Greek and my neighbor to the left was Irish. The kids my age all ran the gamut from either White or Black. There weren't any Latinos on my block growing up. My parents taught me not to see color, but remember that I was Black and I have a lot more hardships to undertake to be treated fairly in a White dominated world. I played with White kids growing up as well as the Black kids.

Now as I got to Middle school (JHS for those of us in NYC), my block started changing to working class Black people. We still had a few White folks still living on the block. One of them was my good friend Kristin. Did I notice she was White? Yes. I never thought anything of it. We had the same likes in clothes, music, friends and hobbies. We went to the same elementary, JHS and HS together. JHS was the toughest time period for me. It was the darkest 2 years anyone could have. In the darkest hour a knight in shining armor came to my rescue. Was it a Black boy? No. He was a Latino boy. I teenage-loved (differentiated this love because it's young foolish love) that boy. He was also having the darkest 2 years too. How come I didn't fall for a Black boy? Well, you see, I was not attractive to most Black boys. I was dark skinned, skinny, with a big ass. This was not in style then. You had to be light skinned with nice eyes. But I was considered their "homegirl". You know, the best friend who was a girl.

After JHS, I dated a lot of Black boys to men as I was older. I can say, that I never had a Black guy cheat on me. I ended up being the "other" woman. In HS, I dated this 23 year old guy behind my mom's back. I got myself in trouble dating him, to find out he was engaged to be married. That was a huge blow to my ego. So after that, I never committed to anyone for a while. In my 1st college, I dated a senior seriously. I messed up the relationship because of baggage from my past. In my 2nd college, I had one of my longest relationships with a Black guy. We were together for 3 1/2 years. We ended our relationship because our paths were not going the same way. I wanted to move back to NY and he didn't want to move there.

I returned to NY and I found what I thought was a great guy. We were together for 3 1/2 years too. He ended up moving to NC. He then started claiming that our 3+ year relationship wasn't a relationship. I found out why. He was married all the while. I didn't realize that I was the "other" woman yet again. I had all of his attention and his time. After him, I rebounded with a Latino guy. We were together in total 2 years (multiple break ups). I broke his heart. He broke mine. But in the end, we still managed to be friends.

After him, I didn't bother with with relationships. I just dated. However, dating had gotten really old and annoying. I don't like wasting time on random men. I dated all races but predominantly Black, because they were more accessible. I had given up on dating right before I met my husband. My husband came out of left field. I wasn't looking for him. We just meshed because we have very similar tastes. I didn't even know how he looked at first. It was all thru a video game chat. (Yes, I'm a girl gamer and I'm Black. It's a rarity.) and we became inseparable. When I found out he was White, it didn't even cross my mind that it was taboo. I just saw Jason. I was more apprehensive about meeting his parents. They greeted me with a huge hug and accepted me as is.

So for me, my relationship is a regular relationship. I'm not swirling nor was I seeking a man from another race. I see people as people. Race is the last thing that comes to mind when forming any type of relationship. It is all about how you treat me that decides if I want to be your girlfriend (too late for this option) or friend. The argument I want to ask is; if dating outside your race is called "swirling", then having friendships outside of your own race, should that have a different name other than "friendship"?

Blast from My Past

Apparently I did a random facts in 2009 on FaceBook. So I am going to repost it here. There are many that may be said on my previous recent posts about myself. That goes to show, that I haven't changed much. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe  you can tell me, lol.

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish


1. I have little patience
2. Love playing Final Fantasy XI online
3. Have a crush on Morris Chestnut
4. I love to read
5. I can be very spontaneous 
6. Looking to retire earlier than normal
7. Very few people know me very well
8. Hated JHS
9. Loved HS
10. Went to 3 different Elementary Schools
11. I am a lot more sensitive than people believe
12. I hate flaky people
13. I try to keep my word as much as possible
14. Likes to have time to herself, lately it's been a lot of time
15. I hate having to curb my conversations
16. I hate owing anyone anything
17. I am very anal about things
18. Don't like very whiny & over sensitive men
19. I can be impulsive
20. Love techy stuff
21. I used to play school with my dolls when I was a kid
22. I hate email forwards that are random and hold no significance to me
23. I have a thing about people invading my personal space
24. I hate fussing and fighting
25. Hate when my time is wasted.

R.I.P. Phenomenal Woman!!!

Today we lost a true African-American Hero. Her voice maybe silent for the future but we will continue to have her voice in our heads and hearts.

I've never met her but I respected her immensely. When I hear her voice I stop and listen regardless of what I was doing. I'm not the greatest poet, but the following is my favorite poem. I've had it plastered in front of my desk in many of my offices.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

Rest in peace Maya Angelou. You will be missed.