I follow the this blog/site called Beyond Black & White. It is a site that is supposed to be a community for inter-racial couples and/or informational about these type of relationships. I stumbled upon this site probably a year or 2 after marrying my husband. So, I never received any advice from this site or any site. My marriage came naturally and some what different from the norm. However, this is not what I want to discuss.
As you know, or will learn, that the Black community frowns upon natural hair (Image is getting better now that it is being featured in advertising, etc). Your hair must always be straightened. We went thru so many fads and ways to keep our hair straight; perms, hot presses, relaxers, texturizers, taking an iron to the head. I, of course, tried multiple ways. At some point I stopped keeping my hair out and dealing with it. I am so not a hair person. So I would perm my hair with a veggie based perm and them go put mini braids with human hair. That was my easy go to. I was able to do what I want, which was put my hair into a ponytail and move on. Why did I perm it at all? I was ashamed of my very kinky edges and hair. I was teased about them mercilessly at a young impressionable age. My edges are stubborn and will still curl within 2 weeks of a perm. I spent so much money in my life getting my hair done. I’ve dated and been in relationships with my hair this way. Not one of my boyfriends or friends seen my hair out, except my BFF.
I met my husband while wearing my hair in braids. We had a fun and fast romance that still lasts until today (married 6 yrs +, together 8 yrs +). Initially when he moved in with me, I never thought about my hair until it was time for me to take down my braids. Like I said before, not one boyfriend had seen my hair outside of braids. I was soooo nervous. I thought of setting him up in a hotel for 4 days while I take down my hair and get it done. I did discuss it with him that I had to take it down and was nervous to do it in front of him. He laughed and said that I shouldn’t be nervous. He wanted to see my natural hair. So I bravely took my hair down and he loved it. I didn’t have anything to worry about. However, it took me until we were married to go natural for the second time in my life. He loved my hair then too. It is curlier than when I took out my permed hair in braids. I have very resilient 4c hair.
With being natural and taking care of my own hair my husband loved helping me take care of it. He loved to wash my hair. There is nothing more erotic than your husband washing your hair. He is one sexy man and he’s all mine. I digress. Last year Oct, I decided to loc my hair; meaning growing dreads. I discussed it with my hubby. He said go for it. At that and this point if life, my time is getting hectic and do not have time to play in my hair too much, so locking my hair was an easy solution. My hair is actually growing faster locked than out natural. It grows like weeds. My hubby now says my hair is a lot more fun now. Here's a picture of one of my hairstyles.
So, my Black women, do not let the Black Community dictate what they “assume” White men like. I am sure there are White guys who rather have there women with straight hair. However, if he loves you, he’ll love your hair anyway you have it. Just like the author of the blog post mention above, my hair never disabled me from mixing with any crowd. As long as your hair up-kept and looking well you will not have a problem. Rocking an Afro, locks, as long as it’s not messy. Not matter of race, if your is not done and messy, no one will take you seriously. Be yourself and love your hair. If you do, so will your significant other.