Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Mrs Know It All

I have issues. I know I do. I had an epiphany this morning. An insight as to one way I alienate people. I have this flaw that if I see something incorrect I have to correct it. It makes me a know it all and it makes people keep their distance.

Last night around 2:00 am I took it upon myself to respond to an acquaintance's FB status update. It was for a Neflix show. But as read thru the comments left, I had the compulsion to correct her. I wasn't trying to prove her wrong, just wanted the facts out there correctly. 2 am is not a time anyone should comment on anything and it's certainly not a time to start an argument either. Acquaintance didn't argue back. Has she shunned me? I don't know. She's still in my friend list. So I probably didn't chase her off.

At this point, I deleted my comments because I regretted them and feel ashamed of it. I normally let my comments stay. Looking at it after the fact, I found it to not represent who I believe I am; a smart, kind and lovable person. There's always a better way l can make my point. I'm, however, the one who says what's on her mind unless it's about my feelings. I never censor unless I am trying to keep my job. But, buyer be aware, I'm a silencer on a gun. I'm very straight to the point and get what I need to say across without a loud uproar. I do on occasion take the silencer off and got off like a shotgun.

Most of my life I've been a loner. Had only a few people around me that I considered good friends. These people are still my friends and understand my compulsions, lol. We may bicker about it, but they know I am not trying to do them any harm. I think it's hard to get to know me sometimes. So in process of getting to know someone, this compulsion may pop up and then I really end up alienating and losing a potential new friend. My friend thinks it's a defense mechanism. I don't want to run people off, I want to get to know people; build relationships. So I really don't think it's a defense mechanism.

Maybe I should come with a disclaimer, "caution, will correct you if you are wrong". That way people know what they are getting into and where I'm coming from. I will try to work on this compulsion. You know I'm always a work in progress.

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