Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Strawberry Letter 23 - Subject: Should I leave or let him continue to be my "sponsor"?

Dear Morning Show Crew: Hi I am a 24 year old african american young lady who is dating an 30 year old white male. We have been dating for a little over a year and he still does not love me. He says that he really cares for me and doesnt know if he could ever love me because of what his ex-wife did to him. But its been over five years since they have split and I think that its time for him to move on and past that. He says that he doesnt love me and doesnt know if he can have a future with me but says he really cares for me and doesnt want me to leave him because Im the good woman that he needs in his life. He also wants me to have his children (which he would want full custody of) and says that we would be great parents even if we are not together. I mean he is a really nice person and takes care of me and provides for me like a man should but he is also a lira and a cheater. So should I just pack up and go or just stay and let him continue to be my "sponsor" and continue to take care of me until I can save enough money to stand on my own two feet? I mean will it seem like Im using him? Would I be wrong for doing that? I need some advice PLEASE HELP! Thank You, Young & Confused

My response (It's a bit scattered but I'll get better at it):

First of all, this man is not your boyfriend. Nor is he a person who loves you. Why are you wasting your time? He is getting what he wants from you without any attachments or any responsibility. He takes care of you like a man should? No he's not. He is just paying for the sex you offer him. If he was taking care of you like he should be, he would be making plans to be with you, i.e.  proposing to you & working on the way to getting married.

He wants you have his children without you having full custody? He just wants to control you. Why are you even still with him? You even say he is a liar. Why are you not packing your bags? What kind of relationship do you have without trust? He says there is no future because he does not love you and he probably has multiple other women in your same predicament.

Your letter is screaming with alarms that make me think that your self esteem is so low or nearly non-existent. Yes you are young. So you have a lot of time to find the right man for you. Move on little lady & learn to love yourself. Without loving yourself you do not know what it is for a man to love you.

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