Thursday, April 25, 2013

So Much Drama

Things are happening so fast lately, I've found it hard to blog. Work has picked up to point, when I get home all I want to do is veg out. One night I left work at 10:30 pm trying to catch up. This is my first non-system related extreme overtime. I'm also down a man. So what's been going on in my brain and the world.

Boston marathon was bombed
OK this act of terror has been talk of the town. I think since being part of 9/11 I'm pretty unmoved about it. I already see evil & violence. Our world has become so violent since. It's like 9/11 broke the seal on evil. We've had the Oklahoma bomber, the crazy nut who shot Gifford, to name a few. When will all this violence end? It probably won't until we are all dead. Right now, I just want to enjoy what life I have with my family than be forever heartbroken because of the evil in the world. I may sound callous but it's what I need to remain productive and normal. I just feel bad that groups of people are blamed because of a few. Americans & people need to realize that a few people do not represent a race or religion. Just because a few Muslim radicals did evil things does not make all Muslim's evil. Learn to see the difference. Now people of Chechnya is going to feel the hate. This is just wrong. This is what nurtures the evil. I also learned that our news sources are a bunch of idiots. CNN WTF? Fox, seriously? Zooey Deschanel was the 19 year old bomber? People get your acts together.

Fight breaks out in subway car.
A fight between 2 girls broke out in the subway car I was in. It was the quietest fight I've ever heard. Wonder if the girls were trying to be classy? If so, it flew out the window when they decided to fight in a crowded subway car. It was nice to see 2 grown father figure type men break up the fight and the girls listened to them. I just don't like girls fighting each other. We have so much against us in life for us to attack each other.

Racial Slur Fetish?

Controversial letter goes viral as readers discuss ‘race play,’ a sexual fetish involving racial slurs

I'm involved in an interracial marriage. I never heard of this fetish nor has my husband. There is so much crazy fetishes out there, I'm sure I would be floored by the craziness. However, there's a paragraph in the article that was a comment to the original post.

There is only one reason marriages between black women and white men last longer than other marriages,” one reader opined. “Black women become submissive to white men. They view his whiteness as the ultimate validation and their half white offspring as superior to black children.

Seriously, whoever left this comment has to be an idiot. If you have met me or any other woman in an interracial marriage, you'd know there is no submission. It is very hard to be in one (even though my marriage is not very hard). You have so many outside influences that try to tear you apart. For example, when we go out to eat, the people at the register refuse to acknowledge the we are together. I'm seriously offended by the comment than by the fetish. The commenter probably can't hold a relationship together, therefore had to make up some bullshit to make herself feel better. What it really is, that she is prejudiced. She's never been in a relationship with a mutual respect without some sort of game playing. A good chunk of men like to play games. I can go ranting on and on, but I'm going to stop here.

My friends just had a baby or having one:
So I have a few friends in the family way. Two just recently gave birth and one due in August. I am very happy for them. However, it's more pressure from mom. I do want to have a baby with my husband, but I'm scared that I may never have one. I am not jealous of my friends at all. It just makes me reflect on my life to see if I have what it takes to raise a child. I think I did a good job assisting with my brother, niece and nephew. I do have a nurturing disposition. Am I ready for one.

At one point I thought I was pregnant because my period came late. For those 2 days, I was hit with 2 emotions: fear and happiness. I was scared if I was able to carry a baby, health reasons. I was happy to be bringing a little one that was a mixture of me and my hubby into this world. I wasn't pregnant and I had a profound feeling of disappointment. I didn't really know I wanted one so badly. I just fear that when I do, they will not meet their grandparents. Plus, my age is creeping. The years to menopause are getting closer. Sometimes I think I don't I deserve a baby. I may be dealing with the karma of my past. I don't know at this point. I will just have to live happily thru my friends and their kids.

Book update:
I have printed out and saved my poems. I have started to write anecdotes to a few of them; 4 out of 40 poems. I am behind schedule a bit. I planned to publish on July 25th. I will try to uphold that deadline. Reading thru owns bring back such memories. It is a bit weird to see how I have matured. I am sure looking forward to reading more. Excitement is still here.

Later Gators.

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