I'm getting married in like 3 months!!! Oh my Goodness. Me? Reality is setting in. The biggest reality is what I'm writing this blog about: Love. I can't believe how powerful this emotion can be while it is so unassuming.
This emotion evolves throughout your life and it takes multiple different shapes. There is the love of your parents and siblings. There is love between strong friendships. Then you have the ever fiery love in relationships. They the truest love is the love that moves from friendship into a relationship. However, besides the love of family and friends, I, for years, thought I was incapable of loving another. This type love requires patience and dedication. I lack the former.
I've had relationships before as most women my age have. Two out of the few that I had I believed at the time were pretty serious. However, I never felt for them like I feel for JH. Looking back I really didn't love them with my whole heart. I loved them as I would love a friend. What kept them around was carnal need and convenience at the time. Lust sometimes is as powerful as a fiery love. You just need to know the difference. It's hard to detect when you are in middle of it.
I have been told so many times that I can be cold hearted, difficult and can be detached. I can understand about the detachment. Once my patience is run down, I lose all interest in dealing with you. So I say "Fuck It" and move on. I'm not going to become the vengeful woman. The Bitch who curses her man. My main thing is "I don't want anyone who don't want me". I keep it moving. I learned in elementary not to get too attached to people because they will leave. My mother always re-iterated "You were born alone and you will die alone". So all this advice and experience made me stand-offish and a bit distant. I always kept a little guard around my heart. Being called difficult was because men didn't get their way. I never thought I was difficult. I have self respect and will not let any man make me do anything I feel demoralizing or unhealthy. If standing my ground is being difficult, then I'll gladly be difficult. I believe the coldhearted comes from my issue with detachment. Once I detach I could care less. I guess that's being coldhearted.
When I met JH in person, I felt so much at ease. It felt natural. Maybe because we spoke all the time on the phone and thru AIM. We had an established friendship. Our love took us by surprise. We both agree that we didn't plan on this moving past a friendship. Look at us now! I can't imagine my life without him. With him I am myself. There are are no pretenses. He's a great man and I'm lucky that I found him. He doesn't think I difficult. He doesn't ask me to do things that are out my character. He LOVES me for ME and not what I can do for him. He takes care of me like I'm a princess. And I want to take care of him. I just know that he's throne for me. I feel as if he was made just for me. I can't wait to be his wife!!!