Bullying = Senseless

Bullying. It has been getting a lot of press these days, but it has been around since we evolved/created (don't want any drama). Has it gotten any worse as the years go by? I believe it has. Society has changed over the years. Today's society is not as wholesome as it is. Our society now runs on violence, sex and money. There isn't any kindness to our fellow man. Everyone is out for themselves. (This is a generalization, don't take it literally because there are people out there with heart). Bullying has taken on a more sinister effect. Kids who haven't even experienced life are cutting it short to escape the madness caused by bullying.

I decided to reflect on my past. There are many things I don't wish to discuss, because it was very colorful, but I do remember I've had many distinct experiences with being bullied. Never were violent but the psychological type. I decided to open up and discuss them in this post. Maybe someone can read it and take something from it.

I'll start in elementary school. I would get teased mercilessly on my body. You see I come from a very voluptuous family; both sides. All the women have ample boobs and butts. I was not an exception. However, even though I was skinny, my butt was more pronounced. I remember the girls would grab my butt and ask if I stuffed tissue in my panties to get a butt like mine. The more this happened, the more I felt ashamed of it. I would beg my mom to buy very baggy pants. Nothing really covered it. So I was pretty much doomed. I remember telling my mom that when I get enough money that I was going to get a butt reduction. My butt has been my sore spot most of my life. I've never really embraced it. I now tolerate it and can deal with it, but I still have the nagging inner mind telling me that my butt is an eyesore and it should be removed. Will I ever embrace it? I don't know. It's all the rage today to have a big butt. People are even going thru cosmetic procedures to get what I have naturally. This still doesn't make me feel any better. Try finding a pair of jeans that fit perfectly.

Next is growing up on my block. There were many of us the same age growing up. I used to hang out with a lot of them when my mom permitted me to play outside. There was a set of fraternal twins, boy and girl, who everyone believe to be the most pretty. Everyone wanted to be their good friends. Let's call the Kiki & Ken. Kiki was close to my friend who lived across from me. She was nice to me. I usually played a lot with 2 other girls on the block. I remember Ken always made faces at me or said mean things to me. I never really played with him because he was mean to me. I did play with the other boys on the block. A new family moved onto the block who had 2 boys. They were cute, but I wasn't interested in them like that. Ken came up to me one day and told me that neither of the 2 boys would want to be my friend because I'm ugly and have "N---a naps". Of course that hurt me deeply. He would hammer that point in every time he saw me. I hated him so much. I still don't care for him. In JHS I started seeing this Puerto Rican guy who everyone in school clamored after. How I got him is still a mystery to me. Well he came home with me one day to meet my mom. We were pretty close. I would say he was my 1st love at that point if time. He was there for me thru a lot. Anyway, I digress. After Ken saw my boyfriend, he decided to confront me after he left. He never did say anything to me when my boyfriend was around. He said he doesn't know how the idiot liked me. It must be because I was breaking him off a piece. I was a virgin and only thing me and my boyfriend did was kissing. How could Ken say that? My sister told me that he was just jealous. I don't believe that he was. If he wasn't putting me down, he never paid me any attention. He was just mean spirited. His remarks and behavior really did take a toll on my esteem. I felt ugly and unlikable. I never understood why the guys I dated liked me. I wasn't gorgeous. I still don't see what my husband sees in me either. This is the lingering effect of Ken constantly telling me I'm ugly most of my childhood, my most impressionable time. We all set up how we view ourselves in adolescence.

I was deeply scarred growing up. I was the ugly girl with a big butt. This self hate has been deeply etched into who I am. Could I do without it? Yes. I wish I was more confident about my look and my body. I wish my mom help instill me with self confidence. I had to learn to be confident on my own. It's a struggle that I have to this day.

I just learned that somebody almost killed my nephew at college because if bullying. They put baby oil on the floor in front of his place. When he came out he slipped ad banged his head really hard. Could've killed him. This didn't faze him. He's never let bullies take away his confidence. We've raised him to be confident and self assured. If your meet him, you'd fall in love with him. Everyone remembers who he is where ever he goes.

I understand the torment our youth are facing daily. What they are experiencing can last in their psyche for the rest of their life. Once a youth is bullied, as a parent, all you can do is try to make them overcome them and hope that all the torment they've endured will make them productive and not let them turn into despair. Make them feel special and loved.

Everyone can get more information on bullying and how to protect yourself and their kids at the Trevor Project. Please support our youth and stop insensitive and senseless violence.

Inspirational Weeks

I've been so busy I'm going to have to list what has been going on since my last post. I am going to use the style from a twitter friend to get this post going. I love inspiration in all forms.


1. The book I submitted a story for will be released October 11th, 2012!!! I date you will only experience once in your lifetime, unless you're a vampire. Book is named "All The Lovely Creatures." I'm so excited!!!!

Ni. I have a week off from taking Japanese. My husband and I are taking the class so we can backpack across Japan, plus it's really a cool language to learn.

3. My birthday was this past weekend. My husband took me to the Berkshires in Massachusetts. It was a awesome trip. I love spending time with him.

4. I have gotten back into reading a little bit. I can't read anything substantial though. My brain won't permit it. So I have to leave 2 books unread: Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson and Taken by The Night By Kathryn Smith. So I've picked up Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan. It has been holding my attention.

5. I've been looking to move. I want to sell my house and buy condos. I have grown quite tired of taking care of a house. You always stay broke because there is always something to fix. Plus my neighborhood is turning to shit. I want to get some value out of my house before I won't have any. So it's all about getting my house prepared.

6. I am also trying to get my business website up and going. I want to do a Groupon/Living Social Deal for tax season. So my site really needs to be up. I have to look for someone who's not going to charge me an arm and a leg. If you're interested in Tax and Accounting services, you can email me at info@cleighconsulting.com.

That's all for now. There's more things brewing. Will let you know in a future post. If anything interested you in this post, please put them in comments. I will respond. Thanks.

My Time at BlogHer12

[Originally posted on my BlogHer page 9/10/12]

I was invited to volunteer at BlogHer 2012 this summer. BlogHer 12 was held at the Hilton by Rockefeller Plaza. It is a beautiful hotel. I can't really say about the rooms. I had put in my requests to volunteer the minute they were announced, but I wasn't chosen. At last minute they needed volunteers, so I got to go.  I was given a full conference pass for my time. Yay for me. I was able to enjoy the conference for a little bit. I didn't get to do much but volunteer and see the exhibitors. I was only able to listen to the panels that I worked.

Thursday I had volunteer training and picked up my conference badge. I also go to visit the exhibitor booths. It was too late for any panels, so I quickly went around the booths. There was a lot of food and swag. I stopped at some very interesting booths. There was a booth that called (started with J). They are a net software to assist with blogging. It is a browser plug in that helps you find links to items you are discussing in your blog post. There was also a booth on parental control.  They are looking for bloggers to write about it and they would pay up to $200 for the post. I decided to mark up my program for panels I wanted to see and ones that I worked while I had a bit of time. The rest of the evening, parties were held. Since I am a bit socially awkward, I decided to go home.

Friday, by time I got off work, there were only parties so I didn't go. I wish I were more social. I could blame my mom but really I can't.

Saturday is the day I could spend the whole time. There. I woke up early and left to attend a panel I was most interested in; Telling Stories with Pictures: Incorporating Graphics, Cartoons, and Iconography. Due to NYC transit I missed the panel. So I just explored the conference a bit. I found other rooms with swag.

It was finally time for my first panel that I worked; Blogging into Midlife: The Tension Between the Online Spotlight and Offline Invisibility. I was a mic wrangler. You the girl that brings the mic to people who have questions to ask. Yep that was me. This panel was all about your identity as a blogger as you get older. Society doesn't make it easier for older people to be taken seriously or they don't have anything today. It is a bit unfair. I see it all the time in corporate America. Older people do not get hired as quickly as younger people. It's not fair, but it is what it is. This panel was talking about how they can combat this. Some people suggested not to discuss age related topics. That is totally unfair. Bloggers should be able to discuss whatever they want to. Readership should not die because of age. Blogs will and should gain readership based on people's interest. Questions like, "I'm a mommy blogger. what do I blog about now that my kids have left the coop?" we're abundant. I say blog from the heart. Blog of what interests you. If you try to be someone else, readers will know and you will lose readers. Just because you are old doesn't mean you don't have anything to say.  Other questions like "I take offense of the word 'old' in advertising." There was a dislike to an exhibitor's booth that had a slogan saying something like "Are you scared to get old?" (I don't really recall the correct verbiage.) the women in the audience felt that it makes getting older a bad thing. Some people throughout that we should take back the word and own it. More like take it as a compliment so it doesn't affect you negatively. This topic can go on for days. What I took from the panel are as follows:

     * we are all getting older, but doesn't mean we have nothing to say

     * older women rock and have tons of wisdom to share

     * we need, as a society, to not discount what an older person has to say.

After this panel was lunch, so I left and went to Chipotle even though BlogHer provided lunch. I was in the mood for a mexican meal. After lunch, I went back to the exhibitors areas. I managed to pick up my BlogHer swag bag. There I met the a lovely woman whose twitter handle is @Uncommonchick. She was the first person to talk to me. We had a nice conversation. We exchanged information. I've tried prior to talk to people and they were a bit snobbish. Thank you @uncommonchick for making my day a lot better. We parted ways but I left with a more pleasant look. I then went to go to the main exhibitor hall and bumped into 2 girls I know outside of BlogHer. I didn't even know they were bloggers. Funny what you find out about people. I hung out with them for a while going thru the hall and to lunch. Katie Couric panel was going on, but I didn't really have a fascination to see her. I'd rather Martha Stewart, but I had to work. My friends and I parted ways because I had to go mic wrangle another panel.

My next panel was called #Blog2012: A Conversation.  This panel was just a panel based on a twitter chat of bloggers. In this panel all topics were sort of discussed:

       - why blog?

       - do I have to have a niche?

       - should I try to monetize?

       - how do I get readers?

This panel was more informative. The panelist were a bit warmer. I liked them immediately. They didn't preach as if they were experts. They took a more relaxed conversation method.  I got a lot more out of this panel. I'm thankful I was able to work it and listen to it. I follow 2 of the panelist on my twitter because I liked them so much. Thank you @schmutzie and @neilochka for a brilliant panel.

After this panel, I made my way to the closing Keynote. I was a mic wrangler for this too. We got front row seats for the event. When I got there, I bumped into my 2 friends again. We spoke for a little before I went to find my place. When I found who was in charge we were told that we didn't need to mic wrangle because there wasn't any Q&A after the keynote. So another mic wrangler mic wrangler and myself sat and listened to the speeches. Towards the near end, we were told we needed to mic wrangle. We were missing one girl so one of the tech ladies had to wrangle with us. We managed to get thru the rest of the speech fine.  Learned a lot listening. They also revealed the location of BlogHer13 and couple other conferences they put on.

After keynote, I went back intoning exhibitor room to see if they were unloading a lot of stuff. It was a bit too late. So at that point I left. For what little I was able to see the conference was okay. I can't really make it sound more enjoyable.  Everyone gets something out of the conference. I worked the conference more than I was able to participate in it. Those who I've met except the ones mentioned here, we're not all that friendly or receptive. I wish I had gotten more out of the conference. I'm an amateur at blogging even though I've been blogging since 2006. I wanted to learn a lot more. Maybe next time BlogHer is in NYC, I will go and not volunteer. Maybe I'll feel different that way.  Until the next BlogHer. 

All the Lovely Creatures

So I've been hard at work writing and editing this month. I'm supposed to finish my BlogHer 12 post but it's just not coming right now. I've been busy with editing. What I've been editing?  That's the reason of this post.

I'm a GoodReads member. You may have seen some of my reviews posted on this blog. Well I joined a group for Paranormal & Horror Lovers.  It's a great group if you are into Paranormal or Horror books. It is here that I have embarked on a project that has been keeping me busy since June. A group of authors from the group decided to put together an Anthology. These great writers allowed me, a novice, to contribute a story to the anthology. [Yippee!! Thank you guys!!!! ]

The anthology is called "All The Lovely Creatures ". It is a collection of Paranormal/Horror stories that include cultural creatures. I contributed a piece on Obeah. What is Obeah? You gotta read my story. The book will be out in October. It will be published by Smashwords. The book has 7 to 8 brilliant writers. I am truly honored to be a part of this project.

As I get the links next month I will post it here and on twitter. If you don't have my twitter, follow me here.

Well I'm going back now and finish up my piece. Looking forward to be telling you more on this in the coming weeks. I'm so excited!!! See you soon. 

Dream - Days Events

It's finally here. The day of the events set by government. It is a day where employers are to take their employees on field trips to build stronger teams. However, this day and age, the employers don't go, and people get to have fun without them; meeting up with friends. I've been looking for this day all year. This year our employers decided to go to an amusement park that is connected to a beach. We also get to stay at a hotel. Yippee, I'm excited.

Luz, Christie and I meet up with my friend Kristin in front of the amusement park. We are waiting for someone else. As we are waiting, we see Dan and Josh skulking around our perimeters. Josh and Christie are an item. They pretend they aren't but we all know better. Dan is looking anxious. Luz is single. She has no interest in finding a man. She says she doesn't have the time or patience. Kristin and myself are married. Kristin has 3 kids of her own. I don't have any.

After about 15 minutes of small talk our friend Keisha shows up. Keisha is much closer to Kristin than me; that's why it's a surprise that she wants to come along with my group. Kristin, Keisha and myself grew up together. So Kristin wishes everyone a bond farewell and heads over to her group of friends. We turn and head out out into the amusent park.

As we head towards the beach, we jump on all the rides that interest us. We finally made to a restaurant at the beach. We sit to regroup before we head out. We noticed Josh and Dan lurking near us.

"Are you guys following us around?" Luz yells to get their attention.

"Nah, I just like staying close to my good friends" Josh responds, with a grin.

It's also a well known fact that Dan has it really bad for Keisha. So whenever she's around he makes all efforts to be around. The boys join us at our table. Dan tries to move in between Keisha and myself, but Keisha doesn't make it easy. He ends up sitting between Luz and Christie. Keisha gives me a look that spoke wonders. It could be interpreted as "are you kidding me? What is he trying to do? He's crazy!" 

After the lunch we decided to head to play at the beach. Keisha stubbed her toes on something in the water. Probably a rock. She stumbles out and Dan runs and lifts her up and takes her the towel. The trip to the towel was filled with Keisha screaming at him to put her down. Once he did, he ran to the life guard station to get a first aid kit. He came back to find Keisha talking with another man. He runs up and intrudes.

"Dude! What's your problem?" the other yells at Dan.

Dan ignores him as he tries to bandage Keisha's foot. Keisha protests.

"I don't need a bandage! Go away!" Keisha screams.

Dan gets up and sulks away. Dan really is a good guy. He's just shy. I run up to him.

"Sup Dan? Why the long face?" I ask.

"Keisha told me to go away. Why doesn't she like me?"

"She does. Not the way you want her to." I respond.

"What can I do to make her see me in a new way? I would take very good care of her if we were together. I just want to be there for her." Dans says despondently.

"Just be yourself and don't crowd her." I answer, giving him a pat on his back. Then I run off because I spotted my husband on the beach.

As evening falls we head to our hotel room. It's a pretty good sized room; 2 beds and the couch folds out into another bed. As we all are getting ready for bed, there's a knock on the door. Luz opens the door since she's the closest. It's Josh and Dan.

"Hey girls! We just stopped by to wish you girls a goodnight." Josh says as he bends down and kisses Christie on the forehead.

"Goodnight!" we girls say in unison. The boys head out.

"Christie & Josh sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!" Luz sings, teasing Christie.

"At least I gotta a man" Christie pops back.

"Oooh" Keisha say giggling.

"Who said I wanted one? I don't need a man fawning all over me like Dan does to Keisha" Luz retorts.

"I know that's right." Christie agrees. "Dan does have it hard for Keisha."

"I'm in the room thank you. But what's up with that?" Keisha responds.  Everyone shrugs. "And what's up with just now? He straight up ignored me."

"You can't have it both ways. If you don't like, let him be. If you do, then get with him. He's a nice guy. Can't expect the man to fawn over you forever. Maybe he decided to move on." I respond.

"I can do better." Keisha responds.

"Your loss. Night chicas." I say as I lay down to sleep. 

Happenings in the world

While I was quiet on my blog for an experience to discuss later, a lot of shit has happened in the world. Well shit I find annoying and of interest at least.


The Olympics:

I would love to say I'm watching it, but I'm not. I don't care for sports. If I'm around someone who's watching it, I will pay attention to it. I won't seek it out on my own. I do listen to all smattering on the news and Internet. What has really been nagging me is this whole issue on Gabby's hair. Why are you concentrating inher hair. The young girl set records and won Gold for America. Instead of uplifting her, everyone is trying to tear her down over HAIR!! Not everyone concentrates on heir appearance. Looking at the pictures, there was nothing wrong it. It was put back into a bun. Gabby was concentrating on being a fantastic athlete instead of spending exorbatant time in the hair salon. I'm sure all he haters out there who made the comments don't have a thing going for them except for being some man's side piece.

Go America! Go Jamaica!

Geraldo Blames Chicago Murders on Thug Wear

This article has caused some uproar. I agree with him and disagree. No one should be murdered wrongfully. Who is it for another person to end someone's life? You are not God or some other Diety. There should be better control on guns.

Growing up, my mother drilled in me, "your first appearance will be what someone will make an assumption of you on, so make sure you present yourself properly." This is what is missing in today's society. I understand each generation has their own styles, but as the generations come, we've stuck in one awful style; THUG wear. So now when people look at young men today, they automatically think they are a gangbanger. Whether you are or not, you will be automatically associated as such. You could be a honor student and all round good guy, but if you walk outside looking like a thug, you will be thought of as one. Parents need to nip this in he bud. Don't let your child leave your house looking like that. My mother and father made me change everytime I try to sneak outside wearing my generation's style. One time I snuck the clothes out and changed at a friend's house. The result of my defiance, was unwanted attention from the opposite sex.

We need to try to stop our youth from looking like thugs and street vermin. Have our youh look like promising individuals. That is what I believe Geraldo was trying to say. As an employer, I will discriminate on a person coming in for an interview wearing their pants hanging off of their ass. I don't want anyone looking like that representing my company.

You can watch on the subway, people only hold stuff tightly when a thug looking person goes near them. It's not racism that everyone want to throw out there. It is because he looks like a thug. I can go on and on, but I'm getting worked up so I'm going to end this topic here.

Review: Backfire

Backfire by Catherine Coulter

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



I received this book in my Kindle the day it was released. I wanted to start reading it immediately but I had commitments I needed to tend to. Everytime I opened my iPad to work, I kept hearing the Kindle App call my name. With my willpower the way it is, I succumbed in 2 days.

I have been a fan of Catherine Coulter Thriller books; the FBI series mostly. I have read them all awaiting each release with excitement. Been reading them since the first book. Love them!!! I've even blogged about them (http://whitetigre2001.blogspot.com/20...).

This book did take me for a loop. I was just as perplexed as the agents in the book. The story was weaves so well. There are still something's that were a bit predictable; hook ups. However, some of her usual predictive stuff was missing. She changed it up. There were parts that I was afraid to read because I've been emotionally vested with characters and I was scared as to what was going to happen. My emotions were pulled every which way. This is a must read. I'm a bit biased. I totally love Savich and I wish Sherlock was my bestie.

Catherine creates characters to die for. I wish I can weave a character as lovable and evil as hers. I have total admiration of her talent.

Hope this discussion helps. I didn't want to do a real review. I'd spoil the story if I did. But this book is so worth the read.



View all my reviews

Ok. I'm Ornery.

I was having my brother read half of my story for the anthology I'm part of to see if it was worthy of reading. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me: Did you read my story.
Bro: No not yet.
Me: Can you look at it soon? I have a deadline.
Bro: Ok, I'll read it now

10 mins pass

Bro: It's banging!!
Me: Really? Did you like the mother?
Bro: Yeah, but I don't really know her yet.
Me: Yeah, it's leading to that. Did you like my "ornery" protagonist?
Bro: Yeah, she's ornery like you.
Me: Wait, what? You think I'm ornery?
Bro: Yeah

So this is how I learned I'm ornery. My husband disagrees, but I'm sure my employees think so.

Life on Fast Forward

Last time I posted I was on my honeymoon. I really shouldn't have but I couldn't resist. My life has been on fast forward since then. Here's some of what's been happening.

Before I left I was invited to join a group putting out an anthology book. I am to write a short story to be included in the anthology. Yay!! My first published work other than a copy I did 6 years ago. The anthology is in the Paranormal Romance genre. The anthology's theme is different creatures from different cultures. I'm excited about this project.

It's been 2.5 weeks that I've been married. I don't feel much different than before. Except my love quotient has risen. I can't believe how much I love him and his mischievous ways. I'm still trying to learn my new signature. It's not coming as fast I wish. I've changed some stuff to my new name. I didn't legally change my name, just hyphenating it. I can't believe I will have to mark Mrs on forms to come in the future. Wow. This is more than I imagined. I'm totally psyched about my future with this awesome man.

Home life is going to be jet packed busy in the coming weeks. I have many projects I would love to complete before the end of the summer. So the Mr and I will be doing a lot of grunt work. I should include my brother in this. It's only right that we do. Mr has started already. He has won a battle with our backyard and some scurmishes in our front yard. No one in my house are green thumbs. Yard work is not remotely liked in this house. We'd be better off living in a condo.

I am also planning a website build for my business' site and a remodel of this blog. I think I can do better in directing my blog to specific topics. This blog is a multi-purpose blog. I have my writings on here; book reviews, dreams, musings and a whole bunch if things. It's time to make it easier to get around. I'll be looking for themes I could use that's not part of Blogger's main templates.

Well I'm here sitting in the dentist's chair, so I might as well sign off for now. There will definitely be more to come.

Ta Ta.

Days After Wedding Bliss

I'm finally a Mrs! JH and I finally got married on Sat June 16th. It was a magical moment. I still can't believe I'm married. I'm looking at my left hand in awe. Seriously!

I said I was going to blog when I get back from my honeymoon, but I just can't wait.

The wedding turned out great! It turned out better than expected! The venue did an excellent job. I want to thank Lakeside Weddings in Las Vegas for all their help. My dedicated person, Danielle Steinbeck was great. The flowers provided by Robin Williams (no relation to the actor and she's a girl) of Lakeside Flowers was awesome. I want to kiss her for the absolute best flower display (especially since I don't know a thing about flowers) I ever had. I had tried to match my lavenders throughout the wedding since every place doesn't have the same color pallets. The wedding cake provided by Cake Designs was mouth watering. It was better than the cake tastings. I got my hair done at Lakeside Salon as did my bridesmaids. They did a great job. My makeup was nice, but I rather not do makeup. My nails were awful, but I was able to hide them during picture taking. In all, everything was perfect. Some people who said they were coming did not show. It was their loss. Everyone enjoyed themselves.

I'm currently on my honeymoon in Hawaii. We got a deal from LivingSocial for the current place we are staying, Hawaii Island Retreat. It is a natural, self sustaining, peaceful place. I'm currently, as I'm typing this, sitting on the deck by our room enjoying the quiet and and the weather. This place is not a resorts place. It's like a hidden gem. I would come here again. It's so peaceful. Today is resting day from all the excitement of Saturday and all day traveling yesterday.

I can't believe I'm married. I love JH to pieces and just can't fathom myself without him. He is my perfect other half. We fit perfectly. I hope we will have a love that spans more than one lifetime. I just can't think of anyone else who I'd want to spend my life with.

Here are some pics from my wedding...